FEB 18 2010

More proof that I never finish anything I start. I just read this piece I started writing circa October/November. I like it … a lot actually. It is a real experience that I learned from and I had so much to write the day I had inspiration for it. Now I’m reading it over and over again and guess what? No motivation. I know what I want to write, but the words aren’t processing in my head the way I’d like them to. This is what I have so far:

I wish I never got drunk that day. It was a Monday, spring of my junior year and I was supposed to be in school instead I was downing a bottle of Georgi. They told me it was cheap, “but it will sneak up on you”. I doubted that, I didn’t think it would have snuck upon me the way it did. I remember my first cup, after a few minutes it hit me hard. I remember my self slouched on Kris’ couch claiming that I wasn’t drunk, but my eyes felt so heavy and I wanted to rest my head. I felt so thirsty and the only thing that could quench my thirst was more Georgi. I couldn’t even feel the burn anymore just the sudden reflex gag that I always experienced from the strong taste. After the threats and the yelling began they told me that I couldn’t have any more. I wasn’t having it, every time they weren’t looking I poured another cup. Eventually, I just took the bottle to my lips and embraced the cold glass rim. The room didn’t spin, it did something more than that. It twisted in weird ways and I could only catch a few glimpses of faces and sofas… and floors. My feet played a trick on me, they wouldn’t hold me up. Everytime I lifted one up to make a step I landed on the floor. The floor hurt, but it kept returning and crashing hard on my knees and hands. All of the voices were a blur, I could only make out a few things that were said, but I was having a torn and beaten conversation with the voices.

I really want to finish it because I know it will be one of the better things I have ever written since it is so personal. I just need the inspiration to continue. Where are you inspiration?

FEB 19, 2010

I wish that things could just be

I wish I could wear love on my chest

I wish you could just see

That I want nothing more than little things

Like understanding, trust, and loyalty

I do not treasure material things

These values are what are important to me

The little things you think go unseen

Are exactly what I notice most

And if I’ve every hoped for anything

It would be to put all worries to rest

And live like two in harmony