Take life serious, no seriously.

I think life has become such a laughing-stock for me. There were things that would bother me so much that I’d be kept up at night, but not anymore. Now, at the end of the day, it all seems so trivial to me. To think that people spend the larger portion of their life worrying rather than living and doing things they want to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still care about things that are going to help me progress and make a difference like work and school. However, those things don’t stress me out anymore because I know I’m trying my best. If you feel you’re putting out at least 90% of effort into anything you do, you’ll find that it becomes easier to let things be because you know you gave it effort. Whether you fail or not is not important, it’s whether you tried. And not half-ass tried, I mean actually tried.

On Monday, after I made that post about being calm, I felt like I was being tested. I left for work and before I got to the train station I dropped my boyfriend’s Ipod and cracked it. It made me sad, I apologized, I cared, but I didn’t let it get to me. When I got to the train station I realized I had let my roommate borrow my monthly Metrocard so I had to purchase one. Then, the machine wouldn’t take my debit card and I thought my balance had suddenly dropped to zero (it was far from zero the day before). I had to use the money I forgot to give my coworker, the esthetician from my job, for her tip. This was the second time of me forgetting to do so, so I was really sad about this. By the time I got up the stairs to the train, it had just closed its doors and I had to wait for the next one which would come in 10 minutes.

At first, I began to feel myself getting stressed out. My chest tightened up a bit and my head hurt, but then I thought, “Well, it’s fine”. That was it, the stress went away. I was happy again and listening to Lykke Li with a smile while my curly hair blew any way it wanted in the wind. I thought about how I could just take out some more cash to give for her tip, how I could just ask my roommate where my Metrocard was, and how if completely necessary I could pay to fix my boyfriend’s Ipod screen even though I’m not in a position to be spending unnecessarily. It was all okay. I ended up getting to work early and having a pretty decent day.

Now, everything has become a lot like that day for me. I feel myself getting upset or depressed or anything other than content and I stop myself from falling down into that slump. Even if I end up in that slump, I find a way out now. I think about things that make me happy or, at least, content with life. This isn’t easy. I’m not sure how I’ve gotten this far, but I know that all the pieces are falling in just the right spots for me. When they don’t, that’s just fine, too, because nothing is perfect and eventually, at one point, I will be happy even if it’s not at that exact moment in time.