What a new feeling to feel light and without despair dragging along
I’m afraid to trust this side of life
I’m afraid to trust this side of love
These are two sides I haven’t had the pleasure of ever seeing
It seems so unreal and as a realist it’s so hard for me to believe in things that aren’t familiar to me
Everything is different: I’m so afraid to let go of my doubts because if I get too optimistic I might die if let down
I’m the queen of the glass being half empty
And I have gladly worn my copper crown for so long now
It’s broken in now so if I let it go I might be letting go of my other skin
I am trying so hard to accept good things as they come
I am trying so hard to believe that in absence you became one
And believe that you will never stop being a good thing,
A light in my life
How much happier am I to feel your fingers intertwined in mine now?
I am overwhelmed with this feeling
My heart loves this feeling.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
FEB 18 2010
More proof that I never finish anything I start. I just read this piece I started writing circa October/November. I like it … a lot actually. It is a real experience that I learned from and I had so much to write the day I had inspiration for it. Now I’m reading it over and over again and guess what? No motivation. I know what I want to write, but the words aren’t processing in my head the way I’d like them to. This is what I have so far:
I wish I never got drunk that day. It was a Monday, spring of my junior year and I was supposed to be in school instead I was downing a bottle of Georgi. They told me it was cheap, “but it will sneak up on you”. I doubted that, I didn’t think it would have snuck upon me the way it did. I remember my first cup, after a few minutes it hit me hard. I remember my self slouched on Kris’ couch claiming that I wasn’t drunk, but my eyes felt so heavy and I wanted to rest my head. I felt so thirsty and the only thing that could quench my thirst was more Georgi. I couldn’t even feel the burn anymore just the sudden reflex gag that I always experienced from the strong taste. After the threats and the yelling began they told me that I couldn’t have any more. I wasn’t having it, every time they weren’t looking I poured another cup. Eventually, I just took the bottle to my lips and embraced the cold glass rim. The room didn’t spin, it did something more than that. It twisted in weird ways and I could only catch a few glimpses of faces and sofas… and floors. My feet played a trick on me, they wouldn’t hold me up. Everytime I lifted one up to make a step I landed on the floor. The floor hurt, but it kept returning and crashing hard on my knees and hands. All of the voices were a blur, I could only make out a few things that were said, but I was having a torn and beaten conversation with the voices.
I really want to finish it because I know it will be one of the better things I have ever written since it is so personal. I just need the inspiration to continue. Where are you inspiration?
I wish I never got drunk that day. It was a Monday, spring of my junior year and I was supposed to be in school instead I was downing a bottle of Georgi. They told me it was cheap, “but it will sneak up on you”. I doubted that, I didn’t think it would have snuck upon me the way it did. I remember my first cup, after a few minutes it hit me hard. I remember my self slouched on Kris’ couch claiming that I wasn’t drunk, but my eyes felt so heavy and I wanted to rest my head. I felt so thirsty and the only thing that could quench my thirst was more Georgi. I couldn’t even feel the burn anymore just the sudden reflex gag that I always experienced from the strong taste. After the threats and the yelling began they told me that I couldn’t have any more. I wasn’t having it, every time they weren’t looking I poured another cup. Eventually, I just took the bottle to my lips and embraced the cold glass rim. The room didn’t spin, it did something more than that. It twisted in weird ways and I could only catch a few glimpses of faces and sofas… and floors. My feet played a trick on me, they wouldn’t hold me up. Everytime I lifted one up to make a step I landed on the floor. The floor hurt, but it kept returning and crashing hard on my knees and hands. All of the voices were a blur, I could only make out a few things that were said, but I was having a torn and beaten conversation with the voices.
I really want to finish it because I know it will be one of the better things I have ever written since it is so personal. I just need the inspiration to continue. Where are you inspiration?
FEB 19, 2010
I wish that things could just be
I wish I could wear love on my chest
I wish you could just see
That I want nothing more than little things
Like understanding, trust, and loyalty
I do not treasure material things
These values are what are important to me
The little things you think go unseen
Are exactly what I notice most
And if I’ve every hoped for anything
It would be to put all worries to rest
And live like two in harmony
I wish I could wear love on my chest
I wish you could just see
That I want nothing more than little things
Like understanding, trust, and loyalty
I do not treasure material things
These values are what are important to me
The little things you think go unseen
Are exactly what I notice most
And if I’ve every hoped for anything
It would be to put all worries to rest
And live like two in harmony
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I win
There were dollar signs in her eyes behind each iris
They also lined her lips, and she wore them like gloves on each hand
In the daylight she shone like the sun
By the night she was the moon and each star would envy her light
She illuminated in the dark while her victims kissed her face softly while grabbing her by the neck
Reverse pyschology she'd say
Let them think the upperhand is theirs
She wore the pants, and the 5 inch Louboutin heels that cracked hearts for wallets with each clack to the ground she floated over
She didn't like to be held because no man's touch lasts forever
Besides she'd always knew she'd live fast die young
And beautiful, dangerous was she
She was bad for their health, like a curse
They'd chase after knowingly
They had the illusion she was a rose when really she was the thorns
She was born to take and not give
She was born to sin
They had no choice, but to love her
Then she'd lead them to the end
Blindfolded with a cloth marked,
"I win"
They also lined her lips, and she wore them like gloves on each hand
In the daylight she shone like the sun
By the night she was the moon and each star would envy her light
She illuminated in the dark while her victims kissed her face softly while grabbing her by the neck
Reverse pyschology she'd say
Let them think the upperhand is theirs
She wore the pants, and the 5 inch Louboutin heels that cracked hearts for wallets with each clack to the ground she floated over
She didn't like to be held because no man's touch lasts forever
Besides she'd always knew she'd live fast die young
And beautiful, dangerous was she
She was bad for their health, like a curse
They'd chase after knowingly
They had the illusion she was a rose when really she was the thorns
She was born to take and not give
She was born to sin
They had no choice, but to love her
Then she'd lead them to the end
Blindfolded with a cloth marked,
"I win"
February 5, 2010
Emotions raging like the waters in the storm
Wading through the ocean of worries I am submerged in
I can see the sun in the distance attempting to fight its way through the thickened clouds
I swim, I swim harder, I swim…
Don’t let me drown.
-A.d
Wading through the ocean of worries I am submerged in
I can see the sun in the distance attempting to fight its way through the thickened clouds
I swim, I swim harder, I swim…
Don’t let me drown.
-A.d
Thursday, January 21, 2010
This is probably the worst time to post this..
Written months ago...
"Father"
All the pain you've caused me from day one
My mother is a part of me, no not partially, but fully
So the day you broke her for your own selfish needs you broke me too
I was only 1 or 2
I wasn't old enough to make a choice
You were scared to let me make a choice, but look at what you did
Now my choice will never be you
I've felt my moms tears on my shoulder
I've hears her wimpers while she holds me
You never wanted a wife and a daughter
You only wanted slaves that will never leave you lonely
Because They. Have. No. Choice.
Well I have a choice now
Karma brought up the person that I am, to you, from hell
Oh, can't you tell father?
That you played your devilish games and now they've come back to haunt you
These games you knew so well now I know
And I know how to make you wish you had never fought for me so hard knowing you were breaking my mother's heart with every lie you told
Then I got older, father, but not old enough to understand that what you did to me was abuse
No you never were a pedophile, but you abused me worse
With each blow to my body and mind
You wanted to take away my strength, you wanted to take away my voice
But even with your hands wrapped around my neck
And me to the point of seeing black, not a breath left within my tiny chest
You couldn't take the fight in me away
Every day you yelled so hard at me I could feel your spit on my face I grew numb
Because I already comprehended that I was a "dumb bitch" and "a piece of shit" the 1,001st time you told me
You didn't love, you hit, I was an animal to you
Helpless since you suppressed my voice by telling me you'd "end the life you started" before the cops could even get here
So I wouldn't touch a phone even if my mom was on the other line unless you weren't home or you touched it first
You wanted to hurt me, you wanted to see me in pain
Just like every other person who didn't obey your rules
Because it was "your way or the highway"
You killed him you know, you're father
And my only true love
The only person who loved me most
Loved me so much he'd die for me
And die for me he did, I'm sure he didn't want it to be so soon
But see, I had to learn to not be afraid of you
All. By. Myself
Do you know who I am today father?
Because I don't
The only thing I know is that I expect an apology from every person who comes into contact with me
I want them to feel pity on me, the poor victim I'll always be
The only words I've never heard from you mouth
Give me your sympathies for everyone you've hurt
But right. We don't deserve it
I beg it, but you're too proud for that
Aren't you?
I want to see you yell those words until your face turned blue because its never a problem when the words are what you want them to be
And I know I'm partially to blame
Because the only thing we've shared these days is a last name
And part of me doesn't even want that much relation to you
Father
What's in this title you held the day you bore me?
What shouldn't I expect if I want more than what's before me? What can you do father?
Ill never be satisfied
My cries will never end and my ties to pain will never end
Because I won't let them
Until your heart dies, but father I'm not sure you've ever had a heart
Because to have a heart you have to care about someone other than yourself
I guess that makes me heartless, too
If you're my one and only father and I don't even care about you
That's our biggest relation father
We have no heart, we're monsters
Soulless beings, you and me
You want something to brag about to your friends?
Tell them I'm just like you, I don't deserve love just like you told me everyday you placed a closed fist upon me and through me you're monstrous legacy lives
I am your kid, you're daughter, but I promise I won't let you live even when you're alive
You won't live within me when you die
I'll let you be gone forever, so don't boast too much father
Don't be so proud of what you achieved when you made me
Because you could never face me and say I'm sorry
"Father"
All the pain you've caused me from day one
My mother is a part of me, no not partially, but fully
So the day you broke her for your own selfish needs you broke me too
I was only 1 or 2
I wasn't old enough to make a choice
You were scared to let me make a choice, but look at what you did
Now my choice will never be you
I've felt my moms tears on my shoulder
I've hears her wimpers while she holds me
You never wanted a wife and a daughter
You only wanted slaves that will never leave you lonely
Because They. Have. No. Choice.
Well I have a choice now
Karma brought up the person that I am, to you, from hell
Oh, can't you tell father?
That you played your devilish games and now they've come back to haunt you
These games you knew so well now I know
And I know how to make you wish you had never fought for me so hard knowing you were breaking my mother's heart with every lie you told
Then I got older, father, but not old enough to understand that what you did to me was abuse
No you never were a pedophile, but you abused me worse
With each blow to my body and mind
You wanted to take away my strength, you wanted to take away my voice
But even with your hands wrapped around my neck
And me to the point of seeing black, not a breath left within my tiny chest
You couldn't take the fight in me away
Every day you yelled so hard at me I could feel your spit on my face I grew numb
Because I already comprehended that I was a "dumb bitch" and "a piece of shit" the 1,001st time you told me
You didn't love, you hit, I was an animal to you
Helpless since you suppressed my voice by telling me you'd "end the life you started" before the cops could even get here
So I wouldn't touch a phone even if my mom was on the other line unless you weren't home or you touched it first
You wanted to hurt me, you wanted to see me in pain
Just like every other person who didn't obey your rules
Because it was "your way or the highway"
You killed him you know, you're father
And my only true love
The only person who loved me most
Loved me so much he'd die for me
And die for me he did, I'm sure he didn't want it to be so soon
But see, I had to learn to not be afraid of you
All. By. Myself
Do you know who I am today father?
Because I don't
The only thing I know is that I expect an apology from every person who comes into contact with me
I want them to feel pity on me, the poor victim I'll always be
The only words I've never heard from you mouth
Give me your sympathies for everyone you've hurt
But right. We don't deserve it
I beg it, but you're too proud for that
Aren't you?
I want to see you yell those words until your face turned blue because its never a problem when the words are what you want them to be
And I know I'm partially to blame
Because the only thing we've shared these days is a last name
And part of me doesn't even want that much relation to you
Father
What's in this title you held the day you bore me?
What shouldn't I expect if I want more than what's before me? What can you do father?
Ill never be satisfied
My cries will never end and my ties to pain will never end
Because I won't let them
Until your heart dies, but father I'm not sure you've ever had a heart
Because to have a heart you have to care about someone other than yourself
I guess that makes me heartless, too
If you're my one and only father and I don't even care about you
That's our biggest relation father
We have no heart, we're monsters
Soulless beings, you and me
You want something to brag about to your friends?
Tell them I'm just like you, I don't deserve love just like you told me everyday you placed a closed fist upon me and through me you're monstrous legacy lives
I am your kid, you're daughter, but I promise I won't let you live even when you're alive
You won't live within me when you die
I'll let you be gone forever, so don't boast too much father
Don't be so proud of what you achieved when you made me
Because you could never face me and say I'm sorry
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Elevated Dreams
I was wishing on golden glimmering things in the night sky
You called them stars, but I knew better than that
We held onto the bars in front of us,
Too weak to hold our dreams,
But strong enough to keep us from falling
The dark water sparkled in the moon light
Flirting wit out inner free spirits
I sailed away in the wind
And I saw us chipper strolling down Brooklyn streets in the cold
With our hearts warm enough to embrace us and shelter us from nipping winds
Then, I came back to that moment in the midst of the promenade and challenged you
Soon we ran, our lungs filled with crisp warm air, bodies flailing
Along the path, while the water winked at us
Underneath the moon in the summer’s night sky
And when we stopped and caught our breath,
And you put your arm around me
I woke up and knew what those glimmering things were
Because they had always been reflections of you
Above me, shining down and guiding me to your heart
I had been wishing on you all along
You called them stars, but I knew better than that
We held onto the bars in front of us,
Too weak to hold our dreams,
But strong enough to keep us from falling
The dark water sparkled in the moon light
Flirting wit out inner free spirits
I sailed away in the wind
And I saw us chipper strolling down Brooklyn streets in the cold
With our hearts warm enough to embrace us and shelter us from nipping winds
Then, I came back to that moment in the midst of the promenade and challenged you
Soon we ran, our lungs filled with crisp warm air, bodies flailing
Along the path, while the water winked at us
Underneath the moon in the summer’s night sky
And when we stopped and caught our breath,
And you put your arm around me
I woke up and knew what those glimmering things were
Because they had always been reflections of you
Above me, shining down and guiding me to your heart
I had been wishing on you all along
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Part Two
Kiss me softly, I want to feel your mouth in slow motion
Its the only way I've imagined us now
No distance in between us, the persistance in my voice tells you that I'm serious
And delirious because of love, your love, even when it hurts
Give me all of you, love
Give me all of your love
Give me all of your heart
I promise to keep it here with me, locked away
And so you feel safe
You keep the key and choose for when we part, me and your heart
Because I'd never harm it, but I can't hold it forever... If you won't let me
Its the only way I've imagined us now
No distance in between us, the persistance in my voice tells you that I'm serious
And delirious because of love, your love, even when it hurts
Give me all of you, love
Give me all of your love
Give me all of your heart
I promise to keep it here with me, locked away
And so you feel safe
You keep the key and choose for when we part, me and your heart
Because I'd never harm it, but I can't hold it forever... If you won't let me
Room for two
Here we are, you and me, in a cube of possibilities
This room, these walls, they confine our thoughts and the words we let loose
No one has to know what I’ve done here with you
They don’t have to know that I’ve fallen in love with this room, with these walls
So familiar to me now that I’ve become accustomed to laying here with you on this bed
And everything you’ve never said, they say to me
They play with me, tricking me in to believing that what we have right here will last an eternity
But then you turn to me and I say, “I think it’s time to leave”
This room, these walls, they confine our thoughts and the words we let loose
No one has to know what I’ve done here with you
They don’t have to know that I’ve fallen in love with this room, with these walls
So familiar to me now that I’ve become accustomed to laying here with you on this bed
And everything you’ve never said, they say to me
They play with me, tricking me in to believing that what we have right here will last an eternity
But then you turn to me and I say, “I think it’s time to leave”
Monday, September 28, 2009
I found your heart
I was treading through high waters when I found your heart
I had held my nose and dove deep down to the warm center of your cold heart
Who would have known that it could somehow be warm somewhere in there
I held my breath for so long I thought my chest would collapse and my head would pop
A few times I lost strength and blacked out
I had almost given up on you
The storm had fought me so hard
But this is the calm, the best part
How it feels and is so good
To show you that I worked hard for this
After so much pain
I found your heart
I had held my nose and dove deep down to the warm center of your cold heart
Who would have known that it could somehow be warm somewhere in there
I held my breath for so long I thought my chest would collapse and my head would pop
A few times I lost strength and blacked out
I had almost given up on you
The storm had fought me so hard
But this is the calm, the best part
How it feels and is so good
To show you that I worked hard for this
After so much pain
I found your heart
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
My own
And I am just a girl who just entered college standing in a subway station waiting for the A train to take me to my destination
I’ve cried here in this station
I’ve laughed
I’ve been broken hearted
And I’ve been in love
Here in this station
I experienced embarassment and have given into selfish needs
I decided that I’d never have a first kiss here
But I’d look at you with innocent eyes and proclaim that seeing you again was only a maybe in my book
I’ve screamed here
And I’ve looked at you with hate
I’ve held hands here and shared hugs
I’ve wondered why I stood here with a handful of boys who had yet to grow up
And how I stood here with one man
Too sweet to ever see me again
And I am just a girl who just entered college standing in a subway station waiting for the A train to take me to my destination
With a book in hand
You see me coming your way, I don’t blend in
And if I have a look of contemplation on my face,
I’m probably wondering why it is I stood here with so many
A 18 year old girl with 18 years of anticipation of standing right here
Waiting to go home, alone
Happiest,
My hand holding my own hand
I’ve cried here in this station
I’ve laughed
I’ve been broken hearted
And I’ve been in love
Here in this station
I experienced embarassment and have given into selfish needs
I decided that I’d never have a first kiss here
But I’d look at you with innocent eyes and proclaim that seeing you again was only a maybe in my book
I’ve screamed here
And I’ve looked at you with hate
I’ve held hands here and shared hugs
I’ve wondered why I stood here with a handful of boys who had yet to grow up
And how I stood here with one man
Too sweet to ever see me again
And I am just a girl who just entered college standing in a subway station waiting for the A train to take me to my destination
With a book in hand
You see me coming your way, I don’t blend in
And if I have a look of contemplation on my face,
I’m probably wondering why it is I stood here with so many
A 18 year old girl with 18 years of anticipation of standing right here
Waiting to go home, alone
Happiest,
My hand holding my own hand
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I've abanded you blog love,
but this one is for you because tumblr doesn't support Imeem or videos from Youtube.
I've always loved Katy Perry for her eclectic style and "I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm having fun" attitude, but this just made me adore her. I didn't know her voice was this amazing. I'm delightfully suprised and I want to see more of this. This song means a lot to me personally because I always needed something that could express how I have felt for a couple of months and this is it. Her vocal skills are just a plus. I LOVE this song, I've been listening to it on repeat for about 45 minutes now. I promise you'll love it, too.
Monday, June 22, 2009
So I've betrayed blogspot
and have taken on a tumblr, well I really already possed one from ages ago and never used it. I'm addicted so this blog will be as it was before, for poems and stories strictly. <3
holdthegplease.tumblr.com
Follow me :)
Monday, May 25, 2009
So this is going to be a heart to heart..
from me to me. Lol.
This summer I'm going to be a new person. I'm going to laugh and smile like I used to, my friend reminded me that I used to be like that. You couldn't say a sentence to me without me laughing. I let a lot of shit get in the way of that, but I'm so over dramatic I can't even stand myself anymore. So fuck that, 2 years ago when I went through a phase like this I used the phrase said to me by some good friends of mine Angel and Romeo to change it and it helped me so much. Dudes told me to "Man up! Man the fuck up!", ha shit worked. I appreciate the good friends I had and have in my life who told me that. I miss you Romeo, you were always a good friend to me and let me hear shit like it was even when I didn't want to hear it. You got me through so much. I didn't forget you Dimitri! You have been there for me since 7th grade even when I treated you so bad. I miss you D-boy, make time for your go-getta! lol Okay that's my fault to, but still. You guys are like the brothers I never had, yet you're acting lost like my real one.
I let a lot of things bring me down I noticed, but seriously I have a steady job, $$$, I go to school, I'm graduating, I'm going to college in August, I basically do whatever my heart desires, I have a crazy family who loves me unconditionally, I still have hair when I honestly shouldn't, and I'm crazy, but somehow there's a bunch of people who love me out there. $h0uT 0ut$ 2 U guYsZ! lmao. Seriously though, I'm happy. It's very cliche, but what good would happiness be without the pain? This summer is about me. It's about the sun, and the clouds, and the stars, and the birds, and the beaches, and the pools, and the late nights, and the bbqs, and the parties, and the smiles, and the frowns, and the haters, and the tears, and the romance, and the laughter, and the heartbreak, and the money that will be thrown away, and the clothes that will break night with me, and the just living life and remembering every last moment of being illegal because it's over soon.
Anyway, Senior trip is in 3 days ^_^ Yey. I'm really excited to just take a vacation with my girls because it's honestly going to be a us thing and I need it! I want to get wet! lmao. I just hope my hair doesn't fall out or turn green. Life is really better blonde and green tea does wonders for the soul. By the way I'm going to start writing stories again. In fact, I think I'm going to make another blog just for stories and have this one as a journal. I'm going to dedicate a blog to telling people's stories.. I mean an exagerated version, but a version nevertheless. I forgot what it feels like to write, it's better than green tea. No wonder I love to do this, lol. I'm going to get ready for work now.
Meow.
Hey, why don't spaces and indents work for me on here lol
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
She's alive..
“ You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there" — bob marley
Thursday, May 14, 2009
So I haven't updated in a while
and I was bored at work when I started writing a bit of a blurb about myself. Here goes...
I'm the girl who's constantly daydreaming or scribbling hearts on anything tangible. The girl who trips on nothing and bumps her head on everything. The girl who smiles a little too much and laughs way too loud. The girl who kisses too soft and loves too hard. The girl who fidgets too much and won't look you in the eyes. The girl who maks a million faces and has a million moods a minute. The girl who thinks way too much and psyches her self out. The girl who gets annoyed and bored easily and doesn't take compliments well. The girl who can't forget, but always forgives. The girl who works hard and would give her money up to help someone else in a heart beat. The girl who is powered by sunshine and loves cool weather. The girl who rather walk around in her underwear than be confined to jeans. The girl who rather walk period. The girl you can catch curled up on her sofa with a cup of tea after a long day. The girl who has a mean bite and is a little too blunt at times. The girl who would die for a good book or a pen and paper. The girl who blames her Dominican descent for her boisterous manner, inability to speak without mixing up every other word, and love for all things Dominican. There's so much more , but in a nutshell I'm the girl who is aware of her many flaws yet is completely and utterly content with life.
I'm the girl who's constantly daydreaming or scribbling hearts on anything tangible. The girl who trips on nothing and bumps her head on everything. The girl who smiles a little too much and laughs way too loud. The girl who kisses too soft and loves too hard. The girl who fidgets too much and won't look you in the eyes. The girl who maks a million faces and has a million moods a minute. The girl who thinks way too much and psyches her self out. The girl who gets annoyed and bored easily and doesn't take compliments well. The girl who can't forget, but always forgives. The girl who works hard and would give her money up to help someone else in a heart beat. The girl who is powered by sunshine and loves cool weather. The girl who rather walk around in her underwear than be confined to jeans. The girl who rather walk period. The girl you can catch curled up on her sofa with a cup of tea after a long day. The girl who has a mean bite and is a little too blunt at times. The girl who would die for a good book or a pen and paper. The girl who blames her Dominican descent for her boisterous manner, inability to speak without mixing up every other word, and love for all things Dominican. There's so much more , but in a nutshell I'm the girl who is aware of her many flaws yet is completely and utterly content with life.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Quick note to self
" Think happy, be happy, live happy and life will alway's be a peach, sweet on the inside and fuzzy on the outside which is always a good thing right? ;] "
I remember the day I wrote that had later become one of the worst days of my life, but somehow I still believe in it completely. Last night and this morning were pretty rough for me. I still don't understand why, but c'est la vie. To be honest, I'm not even in a good mood right now, but I'm optimistic for tomorrow? Yes. "Whatever tomorrow brings.." Tomorrow brings a new day and new possibilities that I can't wait to see unravel. From the time right before I turned 16(some of the worst days of my life), I promised myself I would learn from every experience I face. I'm learning and I'm opening up my eyes to the people and things around me. Life has been punching me in the face since then, but would any of my happiness feel as good without all of the pain?
So I'm learning and I need to learn to have an open mind and heart. I need to learn to control my anger which has become an on-going problem for me, but seriously I'm hoping to conquer it and soon. It's a process, baby steps. I feel like I've won something and I find it weird, since there isn't anything going on in my life where I should feel like I have won. My chest hurts I feel like someones laying on top of me, but then I feel like I'm winning a battle against myself because I'm still holding onto the little things. It's the little things that count, it's my desire for extra that's my downfall. I always said I like being extra.<3
"Even your heart has a pace
Ah, but how much time are you gonna take?
Too much would be a mistake"
And the only one who will ever understand this post is me.
I remember the day I wrote that had later become one of the worst days of my life, but somehow I still believe in it completely. Last night and this morning were pretty rough for me. I still don't understand why, but c'est la vie. To be honest, I'm not even in a good mood right now, but I'm optimistic for tomorrow? Yes. "Whatever tomorrow brings.." Tomorrow brings a new day and new possibilities that I can't wait to see unravel. From the time right before I turned 16(some of the worst days of my life), I promised myself I would learn from every experience I face. I'm learning and I'm opening up my eyes to the people and things around me. Life has been punching me in the face since then, but would any of my happiness feel as good without all of the pain?
So I'm learning and I need to learn to have an open mind and heart. I need to learn to control my anger which has become an on-going problem for me, but seriously I'm hoping to conquer it and soon. It's a process, baby steps. I feel like I've won something and I find it weird, since there isn't anything going on in my life where I should feel like I have won. My chest hurts I feel like someones laying on top of me, but then I feel like I'm winning a battle against myself because I'm still holding onto the little things. It's the little things that count, it's my desire for extra that's my downfall. I always said I like being extra.<3
"Even your heart has a pace
Ah, but how much time are you gonna take?
Too much would be a mistake"
And the only one who will ever understand this post is me.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Try and stop me
4/15/09
I'm unstoppable now, the world's in my palm
Try to stop me, try to destroy me, I'm indestructable
My heart isn't functional so I can survive the storm you bring everytime your eyes look at mine with passion
Rain drops and wind of love and lies
You can't break me down now, my eyes are sahara dry
My body doesn't long for yours anymore
Beds no longer mean pleasure and pain to me
I lay in mine content with dry cheeks now
Mental health in tact, How it's been sweet without the vibrations of your voice in my ear
I've felt happiness since you haven't been here
Near my skin, You won't get in or under now
The games had just begun for you, but I finished them now,
I win
I'm unstoppable now, the world's in my palm
Try to stop me, try to destroy me, I'm indestructable
My heart isn't functional so I can survive the storm you bring everytime your eyes look at mine with passion
Rain drops and wind of love and lies
You can't break me down now, my eyes are sahara dry
My body doesn't long for yours anymore
Beds no longer mean pleasure and pain to me
I lay in mine content with dry cheeks now
Mental health in tact, How it's been sweet without the vibrations of your voice in my ear
I've felt happiness since you haven't been here
Near my skin, You won't get in or under now
The games had just begun for you, but I finished them now,
I win
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Only you know
My hands were in his, holding on for pleasure's sake
No need to fake, at this moment I'm his, interwined in love's divine sister named lust
I've had him before once and now it's a must, now it's a need, and the only place I lose myself is through he
And we've gotten together regularly, but I'm not tired yet
And I don't think I can get tired of being so...
Oh, he's down in between, I'm feeling so much like I've never been here before
Every Single Time
He's opened a window I can't close, but I can't lie if I could I wouldn't even try
This is my ode to the way you've become a release I've never known and now you've show me a side of me that only you know
Smooth, the way you take me there, laying bare never felt as good as with you here,
With us nearing a climax that's sweet enough to make me climb up walls and then the moment falls, but I still feel your skin
I still feel it's a part of me now, deep within
No need to fake, at this moment I'm his, interwined in love's divine sister named lust
I've had him before once and now it's a must, now it's a need, and the only place I lose myself is through he
And we've gotten together regularly, but I'm not tired yet
And I don't think I can get tired of being so...
Oh, he's down in between, I'm feeling so much like I've never been here before
Every Single Time
He's opened a window I can't close, but I can't lie if I could I wouldn't even try
This is my ode to the way you've become a release I've never known and now you've show me a side of me that only you know
Smooth, the way you take me there, laying bare never felt as good as with you here,
With us nearing a climax that's sweet enough to make me climb up walls and then the moment falls, but I still feel your skin
I still feel it's a part of me now, deep within
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Teenagers and lust run hand in hand
Skin touching, laying down
This is where I lose myself
Lips touching, not a sound
This isn't good for my health
They're in the wind now, walking down a New York street
Steps in rythmic beat, holding onto one another
Just in case love is lost, but love is sweet
Love is deep and we've gone too deep for those two, they won't own up to a thing, since things left unsaid are best kept unsaid and emotions shouldn't run hand in hand with relationships
If hearts spilled secret this relationship would turn to shit and it would just be best if we keep this physical because he's still a wolf
Sheep's clothing isn't even necesary here
He's real, so if you're too sensitive it's best that you "man up"
So when he won't kiss you and his hand slips from yours when that cute little stylish chick is leaning against the train door across from you two and he moves just a bit away from you, "Stop being so sensitive"
Hold onto your pride, you know, the only pride that you feel you have left after that
Hold onto your emotions
Don't crack now! You volunteered for the ride
Just hold back now because the cute little way he flirts with another female
On the low though
Might just break you down if you're not a man enough woman to have no emotions yet give all you got
Sweetheart growing up is not just about giving up your childhood
It's about giving up yourself, too
Giving up to a man, a boy, who by any means really doesn't care about you
He cares about the moment, and your legs going seperate ways,
And those other girls? They're "not important"
Nah, they don't mean a thing, I mean,
Just when he gets bored.
This is where I lose myself
Lips touching, not a sound
This isn't good for my health
They're in the wind now, walking down a New York street
Steps in rythmic beat, holding onto one another
Just in case love is lost, but love is sweet
Love is deep and we've gone too deep for those two, they won't own up to a thing, since things left unsaid are best kept unsaid and emotions shouldn't run hand in hand with relationships
If hearts spilled secret this relationship would turn to shit and it would just be best if we keep this physical because he's still a wolf
Sheep's clothing isn't even necesary here
He's real, so if you're too sensitive it's best that you "man up"
So when he won't kiss you and his hand slips from yours when that cute little stylish chick is leaning against the train door across from you two and he moves just a bit away from you, "Stop being so sensitive"
Hold onto your pride, you know, the only pride that you feel you have left after that
Hold onto your emotions
Don't crack now! You volunteered for the ride
Just hold back now because the cute little way he flirts with another female
On the low though
Might just break you down if you're not a man enough woman to have no emotions yet give all you got
Sweetheart growing up is not just about giving up your childhood
It's about giving up yourself, too
Giving up to a man, a boy, who by any means really doesn't care about you
He cares about the moment, and your legs going seperate ways,
And those other girls? They're "not important"
Nah, they don't mean a thing, I mean,
Just when he gets bored.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
