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Happyness

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

- The Pursuit of Happyness

New Year's Resolutions.

1. Get into college.

2. Redefine myself.

3. Rid myself of all negative people and vibes in my life.

4. Be optimistic.

5. Dream big.

6. Be Free.

7. Always check on my ESP. (Emotional, Spiritual, Physical)

8. Show my family the appreciation they deserve especially my mother.

9. Learn a new sport.

10. Love myself, dependent not needed.

11. Focus/ Work on my memory.

12. Take a Yoga or Pilates class.

13. Lose 15lbs.

14. Get License.

15. Do something worth really remembering.

16. Have a magical kiss.

17. Wear Heels for no reason at all.

18. Keep room clean for atleast a month.

19. Cook dinner everyday for atleast two weeks.

20. Learn a new recipe.

21. Maintain a healthy diet.

22. Maintain a healthy excersise regiment.

23. Become almost completely independent.

24. Make the first move.

25.
more coming...

playlist part 1

RIP Verdery Knight

You didn't have to be her best friend to know that she was destined for greatness. Whether you knew her or didn't know her at all in Banneker, things like this really opens your eyes. Life is short, while your alive leave your mark; Verdery definately did. She was a sweet, beautiful, young woman with a truly successful future ahead of her and now she's gone, but not forgotten. As Deanne said, when class of '09 graduates come June, Verdery will be there with us in spirit, graduating right along with us. I've been sitting here trying to find the perfect words or word to describe her without sounding cliche, but none define her, she had always been her own, undefinable. Verdery you were one of the most sweetest and talented people I've met, you will be missed.


I have more to say, collecting the words is the problem. More to come.






It's true what they say, the good do die young.

RIP VERDERY KNIGHT

Amy Winehouse

This woman never seems to let me down. Her vocals, her style, the way she plays guitar, everything she does is amazing. Her music is soothing and she has one of my favorite voices in music. I could care less about any drug problems, she has a gift.

He's the smartest smart ass I know.

[00:25] RIOT!: Love is not a losing game
[00:25] no G please xD: i wouldn't know
[00:25] RIOT!: Love is a straight up five finger death punch
[00:26] RIOT!: lmao
[00:26] no G please xD: lol i like that

Hemlock

Different time, same place
She's walking by, no one exists
You don't exist, she can't see you
Little Miss Hemlock
Confidence radiates from her skin, her walk
You reach to touch, she's gone
You speak and her lips move, a voice exits parted lips
She doesn't look at you, you don't exist
Everyday, different time, same place
Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter
Hemlock can't see you, Hemlock won't see you
She won't hear you, only a voice exits parted lips
A polite response, but she's surreal
Untouchable, she almost doesn't exist
It's almost as though she doesn't want to exist
You suggest that it's cockiness
She suggests nothing at all
Hemlock is the coldest thing on the block
Yet you can't help but sweat when she's around.

With my eyes closed I can see you more clearly.

Your voice moves me

The way our conversation flows is soothing

I'd stay up all night listening to your sweet melody so

That I can drift into a deep sleep

And I know then, that everything is perfect

In dreams I can express to you emotions your presence brings me

I can gaze at you forever just in case, at any moment, I might lose my sight

There are no distractions because it's all unreal.

progression

Her cheeks flushed as if of a fever, there was a tremble in her movement, and a striking, no, an abrupt feeling in her heart. Like a pulse, the feeling reoccured over and over again. Was she nervous? Were the sounds around her too overwhelming to bear? She began to wonder if she was a strong enough person to handle something as simple as being in the presence of people she didn't know. The public, people who most likely mean nothing at all to her in the future. If she couldn't overcome this engulfing feeling in the presence of these people than how could she ever be a capable of silencing it in the presence of peope who could quite possibly determine the direction of her whole life.
She sat, pensive, the morning had brought her such great pleasure in a thrilling moment where she had no control of her surroundings. She both feared it and loved it. She wouldn't describe it as pleasure, but more of an exhilerating feeling of fear that she would most likely never forget. Not wanting to focus on the people around her, she endulged herself in this memory hoping that would make the feeling she was feeling now more bearable since that feeling was so close to this one. Then, she realized that earlier she had blamed that feeling on the lack of melodies in her ear for covering them up. It was as if an electronic device could shield her from the things she feared the most, sitting in this place right now proved her wrong because there was music playing and it didn't sooth her at all. If anything it made her nerves run more savagely.

It doesn't come any easier.

They say I live to break hearts
They say I don't care what's wrong or right
They say I could never have emotions
They say I'ma bitch with no purpose in life

I have to say who's they
What is it that they know
I say they haven't seen me hurt
And they haven't seen me grow
They'll never know my thoughts or my intentions
Or the way I am way too analytical for redemption
They'll never understand why I am so cold
My story has become too long and full of lies to be told

So, without hesitation,
to you I'd say

"I live to break hearts
I don't care what's wrong or right
I could never have emotions
I'ma bitch with no purpose in life"

Because I'm just too lazy and
it's just so much easier that way

That was a sudden spurt of creativity that I had today, it felt really good to write something new. I hope I can keep it up.

I'm in love with a new man.

His name is Justin Nozuka. His voice is insane, not too mention he's pretty cute too. Any man who can make me feel a knot in my throat and my hairs stand on end by strumming strings on a guitar and singing like an angel is definately something extremely special. I'd also like to add that there are very few, few people who I actually enjoy hearing live instead of recorded and edited. I'm amazed by him, seriously. Just listen.

?_?

Wow it's been a while since I've posted a blog. I was thinking about that this morning when I was procrastinating all the things I should have already done and should be doing now. I know why I haven't been posting blogs and it's really been bothering me lately. So many questions have been boiling in my mind for the past few weeks. I just don't want anyone to get hurt. I spoke to Oly and as always she has such wise words. She made me realize a few things that I feel are really going to help me right now. It's really hard. That's all I have to say.

Light the Night Walk 2008 Please help me to raise donations

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNewYo/2449_ashleysaves

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNewYo/2449_ashleysaves

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNewYo/2449_ashleysaves

"Please visit my Light The Night Walk homepage. Light The Night is the nation’s night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of patients battling blood cancers and to commemorate loved ones lost.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) funds lifesaving cancer research that has contributed to major advances in the treatment of blood cancers and many other types of cancer treatments, such as chemotherapy and stem cell transplants, that have helped patients live better, longer lives. New targeted therapies that kill cancer cells without harming normal tissue are providing drugs and procedures that are improving the quality of life.

Please make a donation to support my participation in the Light The Night Walk and help save lives.Be sure to check my Web site frequently to see my progress, and thanks for your support! "

Just too hard

It's hard to believe
How much I feel myself holding back
I'm scared of you despite your efforts to show a side of you
I bring, that
you yourself say you have never seen before

If all the joy in the world could be put simply in a sentence
I'd say it to you
If all the feelings I feel with you could quite simply be a song
I'd dedicate it to you
I'd sing it to you
Hoping that my not-so-melodic voice would still bring you the same happiness
And prove to you the same point
I've felt, in every form of the word,
Warmth
Your sweetness rubs off onto me
Making me want to be better
More tolerable for both your sake and mine
And I'm sure that I'll never find someone who understands me quite so well
I can be myself, without hesitation
And I'm embracing an unfamiliar feeling
I hope my heart never stops racing when you speak to me
I hope this warmth is never released from my chest
You are love at your best
The motivation I need to want to be, to want to feel positive
And I'm positive that this will never be enough
No words could show how tough it is
How rough it is
To not posess enough words to describe the greatest feeling in the world.

i have the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends.

he searched and searched and found this video that i had been longing for for soooo soooo long, i can't even begin to tell you how muhc i wanted this video and he found. Ugh, i love you<3

This poem is pure excellence.

J is for jealousy

There are so many doubts within myself
that are keeping me from you.
Doubt comes along with jelousy.
I'm sorry for the lack of pre-warning,
but would you have seen me differently
if you had know that I am deeply bothered by your lack of differentiation between words to females when you're single and when you're with me?
Granted, I'm sensitive, But I'm holding in things
to keep you from running away.
I want to keep you close to my heart,
keep you in close range.
So I won't let you know the meaning behind it
the feeling behind it
the feeling I should be feeling when you say
I'm "beautiful"
is never going to feel as good as it should
as good as it would
if I had never seen you say it to plenty of girls just like me.

Well it's officially the last day of summer...

and it's ending right before my eyes. I'm back from Virginia a.k.a paradise and back into the sultry streets of Brooklyn. There's so much I'd like to write but I'm not really in the mood to begin on how much I learned in Virginia in so little time(I'll save it for tomorrow possibly). So I'm going to commence my senior year blogging with a conversation with me and a good friend of mine, Ishmael, about a few physical modifications I've made this summer and how they would affect this year (AND I guess you could say the rest of my life.)

"ish boo": So I see what you mean, you'll get hate and criticism from others.
no G please xD: yeah of course, i'm ready for it though
"ish boo": well it'll be a good test, cuz u know, majority of ppl our age are obsessed with what others think.
"ish boo": So to live the idea of, "I don't give a fuck" and mean it will be a great thing.
no G please xD: yes i am trying SO HARD to change that about myself
no G please xD: lol word im really tryin to change become more mature
no G please xD: because a mature individual doesnt need the approval of others or let their opinions discourage them from something they like or believe in
"ish boo": indeed.
no G please xD: yeah well Class of 09' here i come

RELIGION IS BULLSHIT.

It's been a minute, but I'm in virginia on vacation and I was told to watch this and I find it hilarious, so hilarious I took time out of my vacation to post it. It's a must see and it explains some of my views.

"If you do not change what you are doing today then tomorrow will be no different than yesterday" -PBSC

this is a video i found a long time ago (LMAO)

This is my all time favorite funny video on all of the internet lmao i'm not exaggerating. If you're spanish you'll get it more especially dominican lmao. I even made my own version with my friends which I will put up as soon as i find it. ahhhh mannn >.< enjoy.

Just some recent music videos i'm crazy about.

i love the veronicas in general, but i really like ths video.


The best thing about Panic! at the disco's videos is they make you wish you could be in them. Their cool and seem really fun.


I never heard of Carolina liar before this, but this song is awesome and the video itself is really great.


Everybody seems to be such a "big shwayze fan" now, but I just really like the video and the song is cool too.



A guy actually introduced me to this song and I loved it instantly, it's a really really great song. Very soothing. good video too.


Because I love the Jonas brothers so much. They have amazing voices and really good songs.


Even though it says high quality, it's really not, but you get it. Keri Hilson is a great song writer/singer it's great she's finally recognized for her work. AND she has an amazingg body.


There were a bunch of other video's I wanted to post, but this got really long so enjoy these for now ^_^

she's adorable and amazing.

and the video is pretty awesome too. <3

too good not to share.

:::kelsey comes in panting:::
kelsey: "omg it started to rain"
lali: "what?"
kelsey: ::still panting:::
"it started to rain, we ran around the whole house omg"
lali: "you and jay?" :::gives weird face::::
kelsey: "yeahh, but he can't beat me."
::: lali bursts out laughing ::::


it's a insider, but jay is my puppy. lmao

I almost forgot...

Today I accomplished something very important to me. I was beyond excited when I found out I passed.

Stay off the roaddddd. Lali can now legally drive. >;]

What about the guys who do?

So my brother skit (http://skit-zen.blogspot.com/) inspired me.
He has a good point. How can a guy prove that he is real? That he is different? This is far from simple. I know first hand since I'm one of those "cold hearted" girls. I believe nothing I hear and have nothing to see to believe. So maybe the biggest mistake guys make is they don't show it. They don't take out the time to spend with a girl. They don't do things worth believing when they do take the time out. What do you do? You can't be told what to do. Just do it. It has to come from within you. Stop holding back, that's all we need. Some sort of feeling. Don't look at me and say "I'm not like the rest, I mean it" cause I'll look you straight in the eyes, laugh, and say "bullshit." PROVE IT. FUCKING PROVE IT. Ugh, it upsets me sometimes.

Its fustrating how pathetic "dating" or "talking to" people has become. Blah. I'm tired of guys who lie to me over and over again. Be real motherfucker. Grow some motherfucking balls. If you feel it let me know, if you don't, stop trying to get in my pants because it's not gonna happen. Seriously. There was once a guy who was real with me, i mean besides the occasional g, but still kept it real. He told me about this other girl he was speaking to. We spoke about their problems. I was fine with it. Why didn't we work out then? Because he started speaking to another girl a day he was with me. See, he kept that real with me, but it wasn't the girl it was how he did it. That was just grimey. So I let him go. I have no problem with knowing a guy is speaking to other girls because chances are I'm speaking to other guys. I NEVER dedicate myself to one guy and if I do that's one lucky motherfucker. I don't do that a lot though because they all end up the same way. No one wants anything anymore and it's cool because I've decided that neither do I. It would just feel to good to be true if something real came along. I know I'd run away from it and with reason.

Anyway, guys just do yourself a favor. IF your trying to simply lay a girl keep on playing your games, but if you really want to be with a girl stop talking and do. It's the simplest thing to know and it has the most impact. Not every girl is sour and some of us just need a little help to warm up because they've learned to adapt to cold ways. Deep down, every female wants something real.

"Ignorance is Bliss"

Cliche, corny, and still completely true. It feels so good when you feel something is true because you don't know all the details about it. You're oblivious and honestly, you rather not know the truth. Then curiousity hits you and you sort of search for things because there MUST BE something thats not quite right with something that feels so good. Yeah, you already know where I'm headed, friendships/relationships. Whatever you want to call yours. Anyway, you search for flaws or you convince yourself that something is wrong. You cannot be the only one or even of few. Even in searching you convince yourself that if you find something, you'll ignore it. And you do. For a while, it doesnt bother you. You don't want to seem jealous or like a stalker because you're not. You just know that things can't be as good as they seem. A lot of things you hear or are told have been told to other people. You're not the only one hearing sweet nothings, receiving warm embraces, and exchanging soft kisses with them. You're just not. Eventually, you just can't ignore it anymore. So you close up, whatever trust you had is lost. Nothing sounds the same to you and they know it. They feel it because you don't exactly hide it from them. That begining you had with them seems miles from where you are now. You knew this though. Before you began being wooed by their words or occasional actions, you were aware of the inevitable eye opener that was yet to come. There were countless times like these. Maybe this one was just a little more serious to you. Maybe that person made you feel something different for the moment, but they ALL end up like this. So like you've said a thousand times before, you give up. You know, though, that you'll fall back into habit again.

because this is beyond real.

and i guess its so much better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, i know thats some easy shit to say but im still going to try to live by it, i'm still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it, i will sleep on dry pillows now, in a bed big enough to love myself in, i will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining full of the knowledge that i am priceless and worth nothing but honesty, i will remove this scarlet letter from my chest and take the hand of the little girl i used to be and say i'm sorry to her, i'm sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved, and i will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me.

- "to all the boys i have ever loved before" Mayda De Valle
(Def poetry jam)

You can't find a video of this anywhere anymore so I really wish I had written down all the words so you could understand the full extent of how hair raising this poem was. Even the words aren't enough though, it was the way she recited this poem that made it spectacular. To the people who were and are fortunate enough to see her perform this, I know you can agree with me on that. To the people who were less fortunate, maybe one day I'll find it and post it.

I needed my younger sister to know this.

“There are two traits in this world that can make a person ugly no matter how beautiful they are and that is envy and conceit.”
— Ashley Deana

** The story behind it may be too personal to post.

finally some truth.

"obbers !": but let me find out u a lil playa
no G please xD: lmao how
"obbers !": got the mind of a nigga
no G please xD: lmaoo
"obbers !": i see u daddy
no G please xD: wait
no G please xD: what you talkin about
"obbers !": lol nothing nvm
no G please xD: lmao nah
no G please xD: tell mee please
"obbers !": lol that u a playa n got the mind of a nigga
no G please xD: no im not lmao he told you that?
"obbers !": lol u dont? denying it now?
no G please xD: nah i got the mind of a dude but in what way are you sayin
no G please xD: im just not a playa !
no G please xD: lmao
"obbers !": lol theres only one way
"obbers !": n its the mind of a nigga!
no G please xD: nah theres more then one
no G please xD: lmao
"obbers !": nah
"obbers !": lol only one
no G please xD: your saying all guys are the same then?
"obbers !": of course
no G please xD: uhhhhaaa
no G please xD: lmao
no G please xD: deadass/
no G please xD: ?*
"obbers !": yeah
no G please xD: the first guy to admit
no G please xD: it
no G please xD: its getting blogged !
"obbers !": lol i keep it real
"obbers !": but the beauty of it all is people can change
"obbers !": niggas can change
no G please xD: hmm iono about that
"obbers !": they can
"obbers !": by the way u describe ur guys
"obbers !": u just get w. the rong niggas!
no G please xD: word

"Always clean out your hair brushes"

Mami always told me that. Good hygiene, right? But I never did that. Before you say "ew!", hear me out, I always bought new brushes. If a brush was getting old or full of hair, I'd just put it to the side and tell mom or dad I need a new one. I'd have countless numbers of congruent brushes. The old brushes would just stand by and watch as I used the new brush. Occasionally, if I couldn't find the new brush, I'd use an older one, but not for long. Sometimes, I'd lose a brush in the clutter and rush of my room. Eventually, when I'd clean up my room I'd find the old brush and put it right on the counter with all of the other brushes, new and old.

Recently, I found that I have over a dozen brushes and I use them all when I can't find my newest one. I decided to clean them ALL off and I saw that I never let them get messed up before I throw them to the side. That's when I realize, I treat my love life like I treat my brushes. I never deal with problems that bother me, I just simply replace the person I'm having problems with with a new person. I don't even tell the person I'm talking to that I'm thinking of moving on, I just do it. You know how all relationships or "special friendships" start off all bubbly and sweet, but eventually just go down hill. Once I feel the slightest loss of butterflies, I get bored, I move on. I don't ever deal with the mess I make. I don't even take the other person's feelings into consideration either, I do the same things and show the same displays of affection. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the guys deserve it, you guys are too shady, but there were a few times where I could and may have broken a heart.

There were the guys who played so much games with me that I decided to find someone else knowing that from them I'd find someone else. My biggest flaw is my need for companionship, so if I'm not getting it from one source I'm sure to find a new one and quick. There were the guys who, like my brushes, would get lost in the rush and clutter of my life. Those were the kind who felt as though they'd always have you there because you'd keep on coming back. I'm guilty of this, I'm sure almost every women has been once or twice in their lifetime. Those guys never get thrown out, they're just idle along the side of your mind waiting to pounce on you when your most vulnerable. They don't want you when they have you, but when they can't you are such a treasure. Your not valuable enough to ride shotgun, just valuable enough to grasp tightly on the roof of the car.

The great thing about new guys is how they make you feel, at first. This explains the name of my blog. Men have great, great "G" or "game" to run on you. They all claim they're being real, they all claim they won't change, and they all claim that you are or will be very important in their life. Then reality throws a cold bucket of water on you and you wake up. That's when you need a new one to feed you the lies you hear over and over again. Hey, it's enjoyable for the moment.

Anyway, so today I thought to myself, "What if I said I think I'm going to throw away all my brushes and settle down with just one good, loyal brush? The one that really gets my kinks out on bad hair days. I'm going to clean that brush, take good care of it, and ride it out until it may eventually need replacing. What's the worst that could happen? I need to buy a new brush? Honey, I was waisting to much time and money looking for new brushes all the time in the first place."

I just need someone who isn't afraid of me.

Can you find it inside yourself to let me in?

I'm sure there's room enough for the both of us since you only open up every now and then

And if I stepped inside would I find cobwebs overshadowing who you really are?

Would I find a flame fueled by anger and pain?

Would our aim be similar?

Tell me your target because although my mind wanders free, I keep my heart on a short leash.

You've already breached my barriers.

Consent or no consent,

The shield I've kept up in fear of battle you've lowered and you've taken off my armor.

Now I'm aiming to fill your days and nights with joy.

Whisper in the darkness no more, I've come to hear your voice.

I'm sure that things have gotten lonely, but not exactly to the point of sorrow.

Either way, I'm squeezing in, hoping that even in pain I've caused you'd look to me for a remedy,

That even in clouds I've brought you'd still search for sunshine in my smile,

Even in lies I've told, you'd still find truth in my eyes,

And when the world seems to be falling apart,

we'd still be floating in starry skies.

How sweet crushes can be, but love means surpassing whole new levels of sadness.

Madness just isn't the word to describe how absurd our love would most likely be.

I just need someone who isn't afraid of me.

- Lali