I don't normally do this, but

it might be the beginning of something new for me? I've been taking a lot of pictures lately using my family as my muse. So, no, I'm not trying to be a photographer or any of that jazz. Just something that has been taking up some of my time. This is going to be a bit of a long post.

Better place your bets.

"You're better off betting on a horse than betting on a man. A horse may not be able to hold tight, but he doesn't wanna wander from the stable at night."

The realest dream of all.

I'm hanging on a ledge.
I feel my arm trembling.
My fingers slipping, sweaty, flattened
by the painful pressure of my body;
A ledge called stability.
I hate this ledge,
there's not enough room on this ledge,
there's not enough room on this ledge for my mind.

It had been tormenting me since I first laid eyes on it.
I longed to stand above it, confident and sure.
It told me I would never make it and that just made me want it more.
It made me chase it, it knew what it was doing.
That big golden ledge that seemed a thousand miles from where I was.
So I ran to it, I figured if I ran hard enough I could conquer it.
So I ran my hardest and as I came up to it I felt all the strength run through my legs.
I was in the air floating higher and higher.

Suddenly, I realized I had tried too hard, I jumped way too high.
I flew over the ledge watching it slowly pass below me.
I started falling so fast I could hardly catch my breath.
I waved my arms and legs as hard as I could wishing that I would magically be able to fly freely.
I saw it coming closer,
that stupid ledge,
it was just to my left.
I thought maybe if I reached my arms out real far I could grab it.
So I stretched my arms out as far as I could
and thats how I ended up here hanging off the side of stability
for years of my life because past age 13 nothing's simple anymore.
What a trip.

For (temporary) keeps.

It's the little things you do
That I know are for me
I want to believe they are for me
Even when they're not.

False pretenses wouldn't even matter to me now
And I don't know how I got to this place
But I can't complain, I'm happy,

And it's been a while since I could truly mean it
When I say it
I like it, I love this feeling
I first considered surrending,
But oh, what a sweet surrender it has become
You don't have to be the one
As long as you promise,
To let some of yours become mine,
To dedicate a bit of your time
To your temporary miss.

Selfish Hapiness

11/16/08

Hopeful, Hopefully holding onto a hole in my heart
I wish to fill
Not with love or relationships
Neither money or materialistic things
I wish to fill it with hope
Optimism in it's greatest form, faith
Faith in myself, my dreams, my goals
If I could ever set them straight
Hope can make a sunrise that much more magical
And a glow in someone's eyes that much more luminous
So much that it cannot be contained behind a frown
Not long before it may become a smile
Not long before a smile becomes laughter
True happiness is the greatest weapon in life
Only the truly happy, the independent of others, can live with a holeless heart
The true to self, the motivated by integrity
Live on peacefully, even through suffering
I am hopeful that throuh my own hope I'll find peace.

To the boys I havent met yet...

10/05/08

Give me a reason to write
Be my influnce, my muse
Show me sweet, sweet like
And all it's downsides
Bring me those honeymoon months
You know the first two or three
When you pretend all you have is me
And I pretend you're only mine
Give me that first kiss
Awkward or perfect
I still will reminisce the few times we share
I'll pretend I don't notice holes in your stories
Or repeated lines and cliche reasoning
I won't dare question you although you question me
I'll listen to your bullshit and be as supportive as I can
To show you I'm better than any girl you've ever had
That's when our story can go one of two ways
You'll either hang on my every word
Tell me all the things I want to hear
And fall for my sweet tendacies
And then I'll break your heart
And then we'll fall apart all because I got bored
Or I'll hang on your every word
You'll forget to tell me all the things I want to hear
And I'll fall for your occasional sweet nothings
And then you'll break my heart
And then we'll fall apart all because you got bored
The story only goes one of two ways.

Second Hand Personality of Mine

11/16/08

I need to face the animosity in side of me
The ugliness that's breaking me
You're the fake in me
Each and everyone of your personalities
Facing me, becoming the hate in me
It might be too late you see
To be the me I should have been before
You all became the face of me

It's hurting the dearest to me in blood relation
The only ones with true patience and unconditional love
Waiting to see when the old me will subside
Or when a new me will arrive
Anyone, but the person I've become because of you
A person more in touch, a person less abrupt
A person much less cold, a person with a soul
A person, period
Pathetically, I've become someone other than me
In hopes that you all would become people other than you
There is no truth behind hopes in this case, to say the least
I've become a beast, an ugly, pessimistic face
One whole containin parts of many
That face can never be whole
That face can never be truly mine.

For my sister on her Sweet 16.

Years are flying by now, we're no longer 5
When we were just a couple of feet above the floor
And now you can touch the sky
You've walked up to an open door now
I hope you walk in and succeed
Don't let it pass you by
You've grown into a swan
You are careless and free,
But now it's time to fly

Open your big brown eyes,
Open up your heart
Beautiful, you are, but that will only get you so far
Hold onto your dreams and they will no longer only exist in the dark

You are young it's true, but look how far you've come
A sweet young girl has grown into a beautiful young woman
Don't let life pass you,
Live fully until each day is done
Baby sis, Don't take life for granted
You only have one

So on this special day, I want to say I believe in you
In all that is yet to come
And in all that you will do
Just know there are many crossroads in life
and as you cross them always stay true
to you

Happy Birthday Kelsey, I love you.

Dear Mr. Right Now

Last name now
First name right
Mr., I was
Hoping you noticed
The way that I like to
Have you around

And when I'm with you,
I'm fighting myself to end something so unofficially official
Feeling lead on

Scared to lose a day
Wishing you'd never go away
But set in my ways I suppress my thoughts
I've been self taught to never open up
my heart

So I'll keep it closed as long as you tell me so
As long as you don't
Please don't let go
for now...

The funniest true quote I've heard today.

Lol While on the phone with my good friend Jared, he said an awesome thing,

"The fact that you have a vagina makes you insane." - Drop

To sum up my superbowl sunday...

So Lamont gets drunk off of ONE cup of rum and decides he's going to sing an ode to me. I recorded it for future blackmail.
lali's song

Lmao can you tell how good of a catch that was? (We're watching the game)

Pictures coming soon...