Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Elevated Dreams

I was wishing on golden glimmering things in the night sky
You called them stars, but I knew better than that
We held onto the bars in front of us,
Too weak to hold our dreams,
But strong enough to keep us from falling
The dark water sparkled in the moon light
Flirting wit out inner free spirits
I sailed away in the wind
And I saw us chipper strolling down Brooklyn streets in the cold
With our hearts warm enough to embrace us and shelter us from nipping winds
Then, I came back to that moment in the midst of the promenade and challenged you
Soon we ran, our lungs filled with crisp warm air, bodies flailing
Along the path, while the water winked at us
Underneath the moon in the summer’s night sky
And when we stopped and caught our breath,
And you put your arm around me
I woke up and knew what those glimmering things were
Because they had always been reflections of you
Above me, shining down and guiding me to your heart
I had been wishing on you all along

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Part Two

Kiss me softly, I want to feel your mouth in slow motion
Its the only way I've imagined us now
No distance in between us, the persistance in my voice tells you that I'm serious
And delirious because of love, your love, even when it hurts
Give me all of you, love
Give me all of your love
Give me all of your heart
I promise to keep it here with me, locked away
And so you feel safe
You keep the key and choose for when we part, me and your heart
Because I'd never harm it, but I can't hold it forever... If you won't let me

Room for two

Here we are, you and me, in a cube of possibilities
This room, these walls, they confine our thoughts and the words we let loose
No one has to know what I’ve done here with you
They don’t have to know that I’ve fallen in love with this room, with these walls
So familiar to me now that I’ve become accustomed to laying here with you on this bed
And everything you’ve never said, they say to me
They play with me, tricking me in to believing that what we have right here will last an eternity
But then you turn to me and I say, “I think it’s time to leave”

Monday, September 28, 2009

I found your heart

I was treading through high waters when I found your heart
I had held my nose and dove deep down to the warm center of your cold heart
Who would have known that it could somehow be warm somewhere in there
I held my breath for so long I thought my chest would collapse and my head would pop
A few times I lost strength and blacked out
I had almost given up on you
The storm had fought me so hard
But this is the calm, the best part
How it feels and is so good
To show you that I worked hard for this
After so much pain
I found your heart

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My own

And I am just a girl who just entered college standing in a subway station waiting for the A train to take me to my destination
I’ve cried here in this station
I’ve laughed
I’ve been broken hearted
And I’ve been in love
Here in this station
I experienced embarassment and have given into selfish needs
I decided that I’d never have a first kiss here
But I’d look at you with innocent eyes and proclaim that seeing you again was only a maybe in my book
I’ve screamed here
And I’ve looked at you with hate
I’ve held hands here and shared hugs
I’ve wondered why I stood here with a handful of boys who had yet to grow up
And how I stood here with one man
Too sweet to ever see me again
And I am just a girl who just entered college standing in a subway station waiting for the A train to take me to my destination
With a book in hand
You see me coming your way, I don’t blend in
And if I have a look of contemplation on my face,
I’m probably wondering why it is I stood here with so many
A 18 year old girl with 18 years of anticipation of standing right here
Waiting to go home, alone
Happiest,
My hand holding my own hand

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I've abanded you blog love,

but this one is for you because tumblr doesn't support Imeem or videos from Youtube.


I've always loved Katy Perry for her eclectic style and "I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm having fun" attitude, but this just made me adore her. I didn't know her voice was this amazing. I'm delightfully suprised and I want to see more of this. This song means a lot to me personally because I always needed something that could express how I have felt for a couple of months and this is it. Her vocal skills are just a plus. I LOVE this song, I've been listening to it on repeat for about 45 minutes now. I promise you'll love it, too.


Monday, June 22, 2009

So I've betrayed blogspot

and have taken on a tumblr, well I really already possed one from ages ago and never used it. I'm addicted so this blog will be as it was before, for poems and stories strictly. <3
holdthegplease.tumblr.com
Follow me :)

Monday, May 25, 2009

So this is going to be a heart to heart..

from me to me. Lol.

This summer I'm going to be a new person. I'm going to laugh and smile like I used to, my friend reminded me that I used to be like that. You couldn't say a sentence to me without me laughing. I let a lot of shit get in the way of that, but I'm so over dramatic I can't even stand myself anymore. So fuck that, 2 years ago when I went through a phase like this I used the phrase said to me by some good friends of mine Angel and Romeo to change it and it helped me so much. Dudes told me to "Man up! Man the fuck up!", ha shit worked. I appreciate the good friends I had and have in my life who told me that. I miss you Romeo, you were always a good friend to me and let me hear shit like it was even when I didn't want to hear it. You got me through so much. I didn't forget you Dimitri! You have been there for me since 7th grade even when I treated you so bad. I miss you D-boy, make time for your go-getta! lol Okay that's my fault to, but still. You guys are like the brothers I never had, yet you're acting lost like my real one.
I let a lot of things bring me down I noticed, but seriously I have a steady job, $$$, I go to school, I'm graduating, I'm going to college in August, I basically do whatever my heart desires, I have a crazy family who loves me unconditionally, I still have hair when I honestly shouldn't, and I'm crazy, but somehow there's a bunch of people who love me out there. $h0uT 0ut$ 2 U guYsZ! lmao. Seriously though, I'm happy. It's very cliche, but what good would happiness be without the pain? This summer is about me. It's about the sun, and the clouds, and the stars, and the birds, and the beaches, and the pools, and the late nights, and the bbqs, and the parties, and the smiles, and the frowns, and the haters, and the tears, and the romance, and the laughter, and the heartbreak, and the money that will be thrown away, and the clothes that will break night with me, and the just living life and remembering every last moment of being illegal because it's over soon.

Anyway, Senior trip is in 3 days ^_^ Yey. I'm really excited to just take a vacation with my girls because it's honestly going to be a us thing and I need it! I want to get wet! lmao. I just hope my hair doesn't fall out or turn green. Life is really better blonde and green tea does wonders for the soul. By the way I'm going to start writing stories again. In fact, I think I'm going to make another blog just for stories and have this one as a journal. I'm going to dedicate a blog to telling people's stories.. I mean an exagerated version, but a version nevertheless. I forgot what it feels like to write, it's better than green tea. No wonder I love to do this, lol. I'm going to get ready for work now.

Meow.

Hey, why don't spaces and indents work for me on here lol

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

She's alive..

“ You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there" — bob marley

Thursday, May 14, 2009

So I haven't updated in a while

and I was bored at work when I started writing a bit of a blurb about myself. Here goes...

I'm the girl who's constantly daydreaming or scribbling hearts on anything tangible. The girl who trips on nothing and bumps her head on everything. The girl who smiles a little too much and laughs way too loud. The girl who kisses too soft and loves too hard. The girl who fidgets too much and won't look you in the eyes. The girl who maks a million faces and has a million moods a minute. The girl who thinks way too much and psyches her self out. The girl who gets annoyed and bored easily and doesn't take compliments well. The girl who can't forget, but always forgives. The girl who works hard and would give her money up to help someone else in a heart beat. The girl who is powered by sunshine and loves cool weather. The girl who rather walk around in her underwear than be confined to jeans. The girl who rather walk period. The girl you can catch curled up on her sofa with a cup of tea after a long day. The girl who has a mean bite and is a little too blunt at times. The girl who would die for a good book or a pen and paper. The girl who blames her Dominican descent for her boisterous manner, inability to speak without mixing up every other word, and love for all things Dominican. There's so much more , but in a nutshell I'm the girl who is aware of her many flaws yet is completely and utterly content with life.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Quick note to self

" Think happy, be happy, live happy and life will alway's be a peach, sweet on the inside and fuzzy on the outside which is always a good thing right? ;] "

I remember the day I wrote that had later become one of the worst days of my life, but somehow I still believe in it completely. Last night and this morning were pretty rough for me. I still don't understand why, but c'est la vie. To be honest, I'm not even in a good mood right now, but I'm optimistic for tomorrow? Yes. "Whatever tomorrow brings.." Tomorrow brings a new day and new possibilities that I can't wait to see unravel. From the time right before I turned 16(some of the worst days of my life), I promised myself I would learn from every experience I face. I'm learning and I'm opening up my eyes to the people and things around me. Life has been punching me in the face since then, but would any of my happiness feel as good without all of the pain?

So I'm learning and I need to learn to have an open mind and heart. I need to learn to control my anger which has become an on-going problem for me, but seriously I'm hoping to conquer it and soon. It's a process, baby steps. I feel like I've won something and I find it weird, since there isn't anything going on in my life where I should feel like I have won. My chest hurts I feel like someones laying on top of me, but then I feel like I'm winning a battle against myself because I'm still holding onto the little things. It's the little things that count, it's my desire for extra that's my downfall. I always said I like being extra.<3

"Even your heart has a pace
Ah, but how much time are you gonna take?
Too much would be a mistake"

And the only one who will ever understand this post is me.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Try and stop me

4/15/09

I'm unstoppable now, the world's in my palm
Try to stop me, try to destroy me, I'm indestructable
My heart isn't functional so I can survive the storm you bring everytime your eyes look at mine with passion
Rain drops and wind of love and lies
You can't break me down now, my eyes are sahara dry
My body doesn't long for yours anymore
Beds no longer mean pleasure and pain to me
I lay in mine content with dry cheeks now
Mental health in tact, How it's been sweet without the vibrations of your voice in my ear
I've felt happiness since you haven't been here
Near my skin, You won't get in or under now
The games had just begun for you, but I finished them now,

I win

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Only you know

My hands were in his, holding on for pleasure's sake
No need to fake, at this moment I'm his, interwined in love's divine sister named lust
I've had him before once and now it's a must, now it's a need, and the only place I lose myself is through he
And we've gotten together regularly, but I'm not tired yet
And I don't think I can get tired of being so...
Oh, he's down in between, I'm feeling so much like I've never been here before
Every Single Time
He's opened a window I can't close, but I can't lie if I could I wouldn't even try
This is my ode to the way you've become a release I've never known and now you've show me a side of me that only you know
Smooth, the way you take me there, laying bare never felt as good as with you here,
With us nearing a climax that's sweet enough to make me climb up walls and then the moment falls, but I still feel your skin
I still feel it's a part of me now, deep within

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Teenagers and lust run hand in hand

Skin touching, laying down
This is where I lose myself
Lips touching, not a sound
This isn't good for my health

They're in the wind now, walking down a New York street
Steps in rythmic beat, holding onto one another
Just in case love is lost, but love is sweet
Love is deep and we've gone too deep for those two, they won't own up to a thing, since things left unsaid are best kept unsaid and emotions shouldn't run hand in hand with relationships
If hearts spilled secret this relationship would turn to shit and it would just be best if we keep this physical because he's still a wolf
Sheep's clothing isn't even necesary here
He's real, so if you're too sensitive it's best that you "man up"
So when he won't kiss you and his hand slips from yours when that cute little stylish chick is leaning against the train door across from you two and he moves just a bit away from you, "Stop being so sensitive"
Hold onto your pride, you know, the only pride that you feel you have left after that
Hold onto your emotions
Don't crack now! You volunteered for the ride
Just hold back now because the cute little way he flirts with another female
On the low though
Might just break you down if you're not a man enough woman to have no emotions yet give all you got
Sweetheart growing up is not just about giving up your childhood
It's about giving up yourself, too
Giving up to a man, a boy, who by any means really doesn't care about you
He cares about the moment, and your legs going seperate ways,
And those other girls? They're "not important"
Nah, they don't mean a thing, I mean,
Just when he gets bored.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Every girl should know they're beautiful

I was speaking to a co-worker/ great friend of mine yesterday when he came in to visit Equinox and all its wonderful workers a.k.a me (haha). He brightened up my night with his words last night while he was trying on a pair of glasses he bought.

He said "A few years ago, I couldn't have pulled these off... I wasn't ready, but now I am." I laughed, "Why are you ready now?" and he said, "Because I'm fierce." I laughed and he said, "No, seriously, I'm ready now because before I had a lot of self esteem issues because people put me down, they're haters. Now I know that all along I was fierce and everyone who put me down was just a hater." I smiled at him, admiring him for this, "I want to think just like you." He said, "Oh you will, it comes with age, but all you need to know is that you're beautiful no matter what people say. As long as you believe it you will always be it."

And it's so true, as long as you carry yourself with confidence people will always see the beauty in you. I'm not saying walk around with your nose in the air (unless your like me and have a nose that sticks up all the time then you can't help it haha), but believe in yourself it's the least you can do. I noticed this about myself, I'm always complaining about things I have wrong with me that I can't change. I'm stuck with them for life, I might as well love my flaws. This is so cliche, but imperfection is beautiful, it's what makes us all unique. I'm learning to love myself more and more as each day goes by and I really feel like it's causing me to be a happier person in general.

Think happy, be happy, live happy and life will alway's be a peach, sweet on the inside and fuzzy on the outside which is always a good thing right? ;]

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Untitled

I closed my eyes, you whispered in my ear
I opened them, you looked away
I looked around, surely somebody had seen your girlfriend's
Heart
Break
I blinked, you inched closer
I turned my head, you touched my leg
I clenched my fists, becoming the cause of your girlfriend's
Heart
Aches

He pulled me into him, smelling the guilt dripping
down my face
My body
He touched my...
Oh, and now we're laying on her bed
I mean his bed which really had become theirs
So many months ago on a night like this

He kissed my forehead, my lips, my chest, my navel
I closed my eyes in spite
This is the shit I will reminisce
And this is when shit got less complicated
He's taking off the only thing I have left
And taking the only thing I have left
Too bad he's yours,
Too bad he couldn't give
Me more than your
Heart
Breaking
When he took me and now solemly
With my clothes and your heart in my hands
I'm walking out his door

Good for nothing

So when I got that big promotion
I must of hurt your feelings
Because when you crept up in my mind
And mentally raped me, abused me, said all that shit to me
You made it seem like
I
did something wrong
But if that's the case why am I
Progressing and you, Mr. I can't get off your sofa
You're a man, you're supposed to be worth
More than a good fuck, and lately you haven't
Even been worth that much
Who are you supposed to be, are you a man or an ocean?
Either way you're drowning me
And their both my biggest fears
You're love is like a machete
Years of chopping my veins open
They bleed love and then they closing
And I'm supposed to be coping
Excuse me sir, will you give me back my mind
Once upon a time it had been mine
Once long ago my heart was poisened by lies
Once long ago I had been my own prince
And now I'm stuck in this shit
Oh sweet prince not so charming
Get the fuck out my apartment

Monday, March 23, 2009

Yesterday Stonybrook broke my heart

I cried my eyes out for Stonybrook. I knew once I had seen the skimpy letter, I was rejected, but it hurt so much more reading the actual words. My heart shattered in a thousand pieces because I felt like that's the only school I really wanted to get into besides Old Westbury. I had applied to Old Westbury but had recieved a email saying my application was incomplete and when I called numerous times, no answer. So my chest ached and I lost myself for a moment, but then Nati, Eustace, and Mya made me feel a lot better. Then today, I was at work and I received a phone call from my father saying I recieved a big envelope from Old Westbury, and then he read to me the most beautiful words... "Dear Ashley, Congratulations on your acceptance to the State University of New York College at Old Westbury..."

My heart is now whole again and my smile is now re-instated.

Pure bliss I tell you.

<3

My mother's son

The feeling was startling, the way tear drops felt cold against burning hot skin. These were the tears of what felt like an unworthy son who hathed sin. These were the tears in which he sought refuge, the only relief he could hold onto even for a minute
a second
a moment
Where the feeling of something, of anything, could bring more shock than that of a mother's parted lips leaking lucid disaster. These tears more trustworthy than real thoughts becoming a lying voice bringing a disapointed face landing disagreeably into a plain of guilt he knows as his eyes. The pain of his mother's cries in the form of punishment, inside a part of her dies. A part called trust. And a serial killer he was, killing his mother's dreams for him, with a knife made of lies. Little did he know something that seemed so simple would end trust's life. End his mother's sweet lullaby, the only slumber she had gotten since he last strangled trust. Oh how trust cried, screaming loud enough to hear, but not loud enough for him to open up his eyes. He wouldn't try, he wouldn't budge, he couldn't feel his mother's love. He couldn't feel his mother's pain until she screamed until her lungs gave out again and again and again.

Couldn't hold his mother's trust so he choked it
He rolled up his mother's feelings
Licked the blunt and smoked it
Wasn't nothin to him since she claimed he was full of it
Once he got a feel for it
Wasn't nothing real but it
And it was the only thing he could feel and shit
So he figured since he ill and shit
Might as well be a tangible and legitimate
Reason to stop feeling
Still numb every change of season
Couldn't give a fuck who he pleasing
Since a blunt is the only thing in life that wouldn't tease him
The easiest thing he could cop
Since he couldn't cop a diploma
And when her heart stopped
It was the only other thing he was holding

Sunday, March 15, 2009

So proud of myself ^_^

I think I've gotten out of my writer's block coma. I've been writing lately and I love it. So I'm using all sorts of emotions to bring out my creativity since it's been lacking. Thank god for my over active imagination and my love of movies because they have great moments to branch off of and write about. Ahh, I'm really content right now. All I need is to be accepted and life would seriously be great.

Give me something with more meaning

I want to feel butterflies and electric chills
Everytime we touch
Hold the lust, give me more
Give me something I can trust, say you will,
Say it's real, because sore and beaten,
My heart is holding up agaisnt the pain,
Say it to me again, hold me one more time
Your arms wrapped around mine is heaven
Your lips touching mine is honey
Make all the money in the world
Be insufficient to the feeling you pour into my heart,
Let parting be a far try
Never let me cry, Never let water have
Relations to my eyes

On any given night be my moon
For when suns set and my eyes close
Although all is dark and we are far apart
I know soon that your light will still shine on
My face and replace missing you with sweet memory filled dreams
This is all that I want you to mean
This is all that you'd become in my life
No matter if it's right or wrong
When there is no melody to cheer me up
The thought of you would be my never ending love song

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The ex factor

On your free time, she's on your mind
On your free time, she's on your mind

I'm still bothered by the fact that she's still relevant
Because relevance means way more than presence
And she's got both.
I'm still jumping over moons to understand you
And what it will take to show my presence is worth more
My heart is clear, no presence here
Open for you to take hold
But you're stuck on the past
And I can't compete
Which is why my heart normally stays closed
So when you're thinking of her
I hope it reminds you of me
And how I feel
Because atleast I'll know I was in your thoughts too
In underlying thoughts concealed.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Great, great video.

Someone showed me this video a long time ago, and I recently stumbled upon it again. I loved it since the first day I saw it and still love it. What I love about this video is everything. The acting, the song, the plot, the animations, it's all executed beautifully. The situation is relatable and portrayal is completely relevant.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I don't normally do this, but

it might be the beginning of something new for me? I've been taking a lot of pictures lately using my family as my muse. So, no, I'm not trying to be a photographer or any of that jazz. Just something that has been taking up some of my time. This is going to be a bit of a long post.




















Better place your bets.

"You're better off betting on a horse than betting on a man. A horse may not be able to hold tight, but he doesn't wanna wander from the stable at night."

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The realest dream of all.

I'm hanging on a ledge.
I feel my arm trembling.
My fingers slipping, sweaty, flattened
by the painful pressure of my body;
A ledge called stability.
I hate this ledge,
there's not enough room on this ledge,
there's not enough room on this ledge for my mind.

It had been tormenting me since I first laid eyes on it.
I longed to stand above it, confident and sure.
It told me I would never make it and that just made me want it more.
It made me chase it, it knew what it was doing.
That big golden ledge that seemed a thousand miles from where I was.
So I ran to it, I figured if I ran hard enough I could conquer it.
So I ran my hardest and as I came up to it I felt all the strength run through my legs.
I was in the air floating higher and higher.

Suddenly, I realized I had tried too hard, I jumped way too high.
I flew over the ledge watching it slowly pass below me.
I started falling so fast I could hardly catch my breath.
I waved my arms and legs as hard as I could wishing that I would magically be able to fly freely.
I saw it coming closer,
that stupid ledge,
it was just to my left.
I thought maybe if I reached my arms out real far I could grab it.
So I stretched my arms out as far as I could
and thats how I ended up here hanging off the side of stability
for years of my life because past age 13 nothing's simple anymore.
What a trip.

For (temporary) keeps.

It's the little things you do
That I know are for me
I want to believe they are for me
Even when they're not.

False pretenses wouldn't even matter to me now
And I don't know how I got to this place
But I can't complain, I'm happy,

And it's been a while since I could truly mean it
When I say it
I like it, I love this feeling
I first considered surrending,
But oh, what a sweet surrender it has become
You don't have to be the one
As long as you promise,
To let some of yours become mine,
To dedicate a bit of your time
To your temporary miss.

Selfish Hapiness

11/16/08

Hopeful, Hopefully holding onto a hole in my heart
I wish to fill
Not with love or relationships
Neither money or materialistic things
I wish to fill it with hope
Optimism in it's greatest form, faith
Faith in myself, my dreams, my goals
If I could ever set them straight
Hope can make a sunrise that much more magical
And a glow in someone's eyes that much more luminous
So much that it cannot be contained behind a frown
Not long before it may become a smile
Not long before a smile becomes laughter
True happiness is the greatest weapon in life
Only the truly happy, the independent of others, can live with a holeless heart
The true to self, the motivated by integrity
Live on peacefully, even through suffering
I am hopeful that throuh my own hope I'll find peace.

To the boys I havent met yet...

10/05/08

Give me a reason to write
Be my influnce, my muse
Show me sweet, sweet like
And all it's downsides
Bring me those honeymoon months
You know the first two or three
When you pretend all you have is me
And I pretend you're only mine
Give me that first kiss
Awkward or perfect
I still will reminisce the few times we share
I'll pretend I don't notice holes in your stories
Or repeated lines and cliche reasoning
I won't dare question you although you question me
I'll listen to your bullshit and be as supportive as I can
To show you I'm better than any girl you've ever had
That's when our story can go one of two ways
You'll either hang on my every word
Tell me all the things I want to hear
And fall for my sweet tendacies
And then I'll break your heart
And then we'll fall apart all because I got bored
Or I'll hang on your every word
You'll forget to tell me all the things I want to hear
And I'll fall for your occasional sweet nothings
And then you'll break my heart
And then we'll fall apart all because you got bored
The story only goes one of two ways.

Second Hand Personality of Mine

11/16/08

I need to face the animosity in side of me
The ugliness that's breaking me
You're the fake in me
Each and everyone of your personalities
Facing me, becoming the hate in me
It might be too late you see
To be the me I should have been before
You all became the face of me

It's hurting the dearest to me in blood relation
The only ones with true patience and unconditional love
Waiting to see when the old me will subside
Or when a new me will arrive
Anyone, but the person I've become because of you
A person more in touch, a person less abrupt
A person much less cold, a person with a soul
A person, period
Pathetically, I've become someone other than me
In hopes that you all would become people other than you
There is no truth behind hopes in this case, to say the least
I've become a beast, an ugly, pessimistic face
One whole containin parts of many
That face can never be whole
That face can never be truly mine.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

For my sister on her Sweet 16.

Years are flying by now, we're no longer 5
When we were just a couple of feet above the floor
And now you can touch the sky
You've walked up to an open door now
I hope you walk in and succeed
Don't let it pass you by
You've grown into a swan
You are careless and free,
But now it's time to fly

Open your big brown eyes,
Open up your heart
Beautiful, you are, but that will only get you so far
Hold onto your dreams and they will no longer only exist in the dark

You are young it's true, but look how far you've come
A sweet young girl has grown into a beautiful young woman
Don't let life pass you,
Live fully until each day is done
Baby sis, Don't take life for granted
You only have one

So on this special day, I want to say I believe in you
In all that is yet to come
And in all that you will do
Just know there are many crossroads in life
and as you cross them always stay true
to you

Happy Birthday Kelsey, I love you.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Dear Mr. Right Now

Last name now
First name right
Mr., I was
Hoping you noticed
The way that I like to
Have you around

And when I'm with you,
I'm fighting myself to end something so unofficially official
Feeling lead on

Scared to lose a day
Wishing you'd never go away
But set in my ways I suppress my thoughts
I've been self taught to never open up
my heart

So I'll keep it closed as long as you tell me so
As long as you don't
Please don't let go
for now...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The funniest true quote I've heard today.

Lol While on the phone with my good friend Jared, he said an awesome thing,

"The fact that you have a vagina makes you insane." - Drop

Monday, February 2, 2009

To sum up my superbowl sunday...

So Lamont gets drunk off of ONE cup of rum and decides he's going to sing an ode to me. I recorded it for future blackmail.
lali's song

Lmao can you tell how good of a catch that was? (We're watching the game)

Pictures coming soon...

Saturday, January 31, 2009

My day with chuchi so far.

Calvin: "I typed in Ashley/sexylady.com and this came up."

::: Shows me a picture of me ::::

<3

and then he sticks his finger up his butthole smells it and says
"Mmm.. tastes like chocolate!"

Seven year olds smh.

So then he puts on my jeans and puts a belt on so we tell him to roll up the pants.
Then Kelso goes, "He doesn't even have to roll them up that much" -________-

how funnyyyyy -____-

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Needy for male attention aren't we?

I found out something interesting today. I'm not going to get into details, I'm just going to say when does a female wanting full male attention on her go too far? Why is it that if attention switches to me just for a little it's a huge problem, people start crying themselves to sleep, yet can have a smile on they face when they know I'm feeling down? This is why I'm loving life right now because if I don't love it, who the hell else is going to do it for me. I can't trust anyone anymore and it's not like this is new to me, but damn, couldn't have been better proven today.

Since I'm on the subject of guys, lately, I find myself going out with a couple of them. No better way to describe this then, "Womp, womp, womppp!"

and then my ex told me this today, and he couldn't have said it better,

J0hNzDaMaN (5:41:20 PM): ur mad cruel

J0hNzDaMaN (5:41:25 PM): n blunt

J0hNzDaMaN (5:41:32 PM): ugh

no G please xD (5:44:31 PM): lol thats meeee :)

Thanks John, I always knew you get me. ;)

Back to what I was saying, I don't want to date! I want to hang out, chill, maybe kiss, maybe not. Like all girls, I just want to have fun. Wheres the excitement? Where's the adventure? Wheres the playing tag in West 4th street train station? (Oh, maybe that's just a me and Flavi thing) I'm seriously giving up on dating or hanging out with guys, you're all the same. Shutup, you are! Anddd you know it because I'm convinced that you each sit there and watch other guys and what they do and adapt them to your own in a quest to become the biggest asshole you possibly can. Don't like it? Hate me. Click the x at the right corner of your screen if you can't handle it hun.

So then Jeff Ims me...

legends1one (6:11:37 PM): I wonder about you sometimes
no G please xD (6:11:42 PM): lol why
legends1one (6:13:24 PM): Because you always say that you don't need a man in your life now. So what do you do for pleasure and fun? Girls..?
no G please xD (6:13:39 PM): im not into sexual activitieslol
no G please xD (6:13:45 PM): i just like kissing
no G please xD (6:13:51 PM): so thats the only thing im missing right now
no G please xD (6:14:05 PM): and i have guy friends that i go out and have fun with
no G please xD (6:14:13 PM): i dont need someone in my life to have fun
legends1one (6:15:06 PM): I know that.
legends1one (6:15:11 PM): I was just a lil curious about what you say connected to sexual activity.
legends1one (6:19:26 PM): Well how much can someone really get out kissing. There's only so much.
no G please xD (6:19:38 PM): i dont need much more
legends1one (6:22:23 PM): Hmm ok.
legends1one (6:24:38 PM): Sounds like your very content with your lifestyle
no G please xD (6:25:45 PM): lol i am
no G please xD (6:25:47 PM): im happy

legends1one (6:26:30 PM): That's good. As long as your happy.
no G please xD (6:27:50 PM): word

The sad thing is I'm a really, really sweet girl with a lot to offer, I just can't show that side of me to anyone because they'll take advantage of it. Deep down, I definately want something real (Someday, not now). I want to have someone who I wake up each morning thinking about and go to bed at night smiling because I know I have them. Someone who I can look to for support and understands when I need space. Someone who won't smother me or confuse themselves with being my father. Someone I can take long walks with while having long conversations or saying nothing at all. Someone I can be a corn around, comfortably. Someone who will play video games with me even though I suck and tickle me when I'm being a sore loser. Someone who can handle my random outburts, brain farts, and need for attention. Someone who I can take to a party and will dance with me and enjoy the night. Someone who I can bring home. Who will just sit back and listen to music with me and let me sing to them even though my voice sucks and sing to me even if their voice sucks. Who will stay on the phone for hours with me, but also accept when I want to get off. Who will send me little nothing texts that mean the world. Someone who will sit with me and barnesnnobles and read something or listen to music while I read even if they hate reading. Who will take interest in my interest and I will do the same. Who will trust me. Someone who won't play games with my emotions and will understand how long it takes me to open up and show any emotions at all. Who knows just where and when I want to be touched. Knows what hurts me and the lines not to pass. Knows that I can be a big bitch and knows thats when I need them the most. Who I can have petty arguements with and hang up on and will call me back saying something funny or sweet even when I'm the wrong one. Who will do something completely boring that doesnt interest them at all just because they know it's something I want to do. Who wants to show me off to their friends and isn't afraid to say "This is my girl and I'm most definately whipped", with a smile on their face (okay I ODed a little ;] ). Who will kiss me on my cheeks, nose, ears, and most importantly forehead, and play my little kissing games. Who will hold onto my hand or pull me close for no reason at all. Who won't force me into anything sexual and will form a bond with me thats beyond sex, but also someone who can please me sexually. Someone who I have a real attraction to. Who I can go out on plentiful dates with to places like the bowling alley, movies, restaurants, roller skating rinks, arcades, amusement parks, and more. Who will do little romantic things I wouldn't expect like bringing me flowers or cooking for me or just renting movies they know I love and stay at home and watch them with me. Who would never intentionally hurt me or lie to me and would never put their hands on me in more than a play fighting way. Someone who's just ready to hold me down and let me do the same for them. Someone who will let me be everything they need (or atleast try my best to be) as well. There's so much more, but to sum it up I must emphasize the point of something REAL.

Unfortunately, I guess I ask for a lot and these are some things no one thus far has been able to offer me, so for the time being, I'm living with a permanent smile on my face and I'm laughing away time. I make ME happy :) I love me. Point blank.

25 facts de moi.

There's a whole bunch of rules that came along with this, but I'm just doing it cause I feel like it. If you read, Enjoy. ;)

*note: after I posted this, I realized how I stated a lot of depressing facts lmao So I'm going to do a 25 happy facts another day...

1. I am convinced that I will one day be the wife of Dane Cook or Hugh Laurie.
2. I am dying to get into stonybrook univ. even though on the inside i know i will not be accepted.
3. I really really want to excersise and lose weight but i feel like its impossible because i hate the thought of working out yet love the feeling once im doing it.
4. I have so many complex thoughts that I speak too quickly and change subjects without warning (im keeping this one from the person i took this from cause its true about me)
5. I am a completly erratic person and i can be a million people in one day.
6. When it comes to relationships I have the mentality of male.
7. I contradict myself 24/7
8. I really wish i had stayed in dance classes into my teenage years.
9. I can be really slow, and i have the attention span of a 2 year old.
10. I'm a klutz (keeping this one too)
11. I hate the size of my feet hands arms and breasts, they're completely opposite -_-
12. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet but im good at pretending i know exactly what i want.
13. I am currently celibate and really do not find sexual activities pleasurable.
14. I'm brutally honest. (keeping this one too)
15. I love my family more than you ( diddo)
16. My mother can be both my best friend and worst enemy but i love her and speak to her about everything.
17. I have chronic headaches and aches period.
18. Im full of energy,
19. yet i'm completely lazy
20. I think i have a chemical imbalance of the brain which i have received genetically.
21.I always feel like i don't have enough money, i wish money didn't exist or everyone constantly had the same amount which is completely illogical, but i still wish it :/
22. I wish i was born in the the 1940s or 50's, so i could be a pin-up or atleast experience chivalry.
23. I will someday publish all of my stories and poems and hope for them to one day affect someone in a positive way.
24. I want to fall in love, real love.
25. Re-inventing myself is a hobby, I believe the body and personality of a person should be considered a canvas waiting to be painted into something different each time and you can start over whenever you like without restriction.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Life's good.

OmG itz Me NaTii (9:49:15 PM): y u cheesin so much?
no G please xD (9:49:34 PM): cause im happy
no G please xD (9:49:36 PM): life is good
no G please xD (9:49:40 PM): even when its bad
no G please xD (9:49:41 PM): lol
no G please xD (9:49:48 PM): thats my new way of thinking
OmG itz Me NaTii (9:49:53 PM): y is it so good?
OmG itz Me NaTii (9:49:59 PM): okie dokie then lol
no G please xD (9:50:03 PM): cause at least i have a life
no G please xD (9:50:13 PM): and im fortunate in so many ways
no G please xD (9:50:16 PM): im grateful for it
OmG itz Me NaTii (9:50:16 PM): true dat homeslice

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Subtle and true.

"How hard is it to believe that I'm here for you?" He looked into her eyes his red from fustration, just shy of anger, but his eyes still begged for acceptance. He was holding the pinky of her left hand now, trying to keep her in reach as she turned away. Tears swole her eyes, but were held back by what seemed to be an imaginary sheild of air. She couldn't cry, not now. She was too strong a girl to be considered weak. She looked at him with no emotion besides the swollen eyes which suggested pain.
"Really?" He said, "Thats it? I have no chance of proving it to you?" He released her hand and she stood looking at him. "You're really going to pretend this never happened?" No response, She blinked. "Fine."
He began to walk away and she could feel words coming, but they wouldn't leave her mouth. They barely escaped the clutch of her throat and got stuck at the tip of her tongue blocked instantly by her teeth. He turned back to look at her and stopped. The loud roar of a train could be heard clearly. He still didn't face her. The train sped closer and soon its lights could be seen from inside the tunnel and she glanced at it. He turned around and walked back close enough to her to smell her sweet perfume. She looked down at her feet as the loud muffling followed by the train's horn crowded her ears. She looked up ino his expressive eyes and the sounds departed. The train passed now and the only reason she knew this was true was because a swift wind cupped her cheek and lifted her hair. She could hear nothing and she could only see his eyes, his lips, the tiny birthmark adjacent to his right eyebrow. She could only feel the emotions beaming from within his light chestnut skin. She touched his cheek, the arguement was over and the feeling, mutual.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

it's the feeling I get in my chest.

When I'm writing, time flies. I don't see or hear or feel anything else, I'm at ease. Everything is peaceful no matter how caotic my surroundings are. It's my remedy, I feel it in my heart. Cheesy, but true ♥

the war is over

"How hard is it to believe that I'm here for you?" He looked into her eyes his red from fustration, just shy of anger, but his eyes still begged for acceptance. He was holding the pinky of her left hand now, trying to keep her in reach as she turned away. Tears swole her eyes, but were held back by what seemed to be an imaginary sheild of air. She couldn't cry, not now. She was too strong a girl to be considered weak. She looked at him with no emotion besides the swollen eyes which suggested pain.
"Really?" He said, "Thats it? I have no chance of proving it to you?" He released her hand and she stood lookin at him. "You're really going to pretend this never happened?" No response, She blinked. "Fine."
He began to walk away and she could feel words coming, but they wouldn't leave her mouth. They barely escaped the clutch of her throat and got stuck at the tip of her tongue blocked instantly by her teeth. He turned back to look at her and stopped. The loud roar of a train could be heard clearly. He still didn't face her. The train sped closer and soon its lights could be seen from inside the tunnel and she glanced at it. He turned around and walked back close enough to her to smell her sweet perfume. She looked down at her feet as the loud muffling followed by the train's horn crowded her ears. She looked up ino his expressive eyes and the sounds departed. The train passed now and the only reason she knew this was true was because a swift wind cupped her cheek and lifted her hair. She could hear nothing and she could only see his eyes, his lips, the tiny birthmark adjacent to his right eyebrow. She could only feel the emotions beaming from within his light chestnut skin. She touched his cheek, the arguement was over and the feeling, mutual.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Kelsey loves asians!

Again in the kitchen, talking about this asian guy.

Me: "Kelsey, you'd love him right? He's asian."
Kelso: "Yeahh."
Izzy: "Nah, nigga."
Me: "Yeah son, Kelsey loves asians!"
Izzy: "Nah, you mean Cauc-asians."
:::Everyone dies laughing::::

Potatoe smack you

It's Izzy boom, Kelso, and me in the kitchen eating and cracking jokes and I said something that made one wack...

Izzy: "You killed it, son."
Me: "Stfu, before I potatoe smack you."
Izzy: "What's potatoe smack you mean?"
Me: "When I pick up my potatoe and smack you with it."
Everyone laughs, Izzy: "How about I MEAT smack you?"
Me: "You killed it."
Izzy: ::serious face::: "No, YOU don't get it."
:::Everyone pauses::::
:::Everyone dies of laughter::::

lmao good times ♥

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Something to look forward to

I saw this on my friend jennifer's page, and it reminded me of how much I love this quote from the movie "Juno"

"Good mood, bad mood,
Ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you,
the right person will sitll think the sun shines out your ass.
That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Seventeen

I love their daily horoscopes and I just really felt like this applied to me.

gemini
(5/22-6/21)

daily single's
Thursday, January 8

That emotional baggage is becoming awfully heavy lately. What's with all the self-limiting inner babble? You're totally psyching yourself out right now. First things first, get out of the way. Now change the vernacular: reframe the negativity. Everything in your world rocks!