Every girl should know they're beautiful

I was speaking to a co-worker/ great friend of mine yesterday when he came in to visit Equinox and all its wonderful workers a.k.a me (haha). He brightened up my night with his words last night while he was trying on a pair of glasses he bought.

He said "A few years ago, I couldn't have pulled these off... I wasn't ready, but now I am." I laughed, "Why are you ready now?" and he said, "Because I'm fierce." I laughed and he said, "No, seriously, I'm ready now because before I had a lot of self esteem issues because people put me down, they're haters. Now I know that all along I was fierce and everyone who put me down was just a hater." I smiled at him, admiring him for this, "I want to think just like you." He said, "Oh you will, it comes with age, but all you need to know is that you're beautiful no matter what people say. As long as you believe it you will always be it."

And it's so true, as long as you carry yourself with confidence people will always see the beauty in you. I'm not saying walk around with your nose in the air (unless your like me and have a nose that sticks up all the time then you can't help it haha), but believe in yourself it's the least you can do. I noticed this about myself, I'm always complaining about things I have wrong with me that I can't change. I'm stuck with them for life, I might as well love my flaws. This is so cliche, but imperfection is beautiful, it's what makes us all unique. I'm learning to love myself more and more as each day goes by and I really feel like it's causing me to be a happier person in general.

Think happy, be happy, live happy and life will alway's be a peach, sweet on the inside and fuzzy on the outside which is always a good thing right? ;]

Untitled

I closed my eyes, you whispered in my ear
I opened them, you looked away
I looked around, surely somebody had seen your girlfriend's
Heart
Break
I blinked, you inched closer
I turned my head, you touched my leg
I clenched my fists, becoming the cause of your girlfriend's
Heart
Aches

He pulled me into him, smelling the guilt dripping
down my face
My body
He touched my...
Oh, and now we're laying on her bed
I mean his bed which really had become theirs
So many months ago on a night like this

He kissed my forehead, my lips, my chest, my navel
I closed my eyes in spite
This is the shit I will reminisce
And this is when shit got less complicated
He's taking off the only thing I have left
And taking the only thing I have left
Too bad he's yours,
Too bad he couldn't give
Me more than your
Heart
Breaking
When he took me and now solemly
With my clothes and your heart in my hands
I'm walking out his door

Good for nothing

So when I got that big promotion
I must of hurt your feelings
Because when you crept up in my mind
And mentally raped me, abused me, said all that shit to me
You made it seem like
I
did something wrong
But if that's the case why am I
Progressing and you, Mr. I can't get off your sofa
You're a man, you're supposed to be worth
More than a good fuck, and lately you haven't
Even been worth that much
Who are you supposed to be, are you a man or an ocean?
Either way you're drowning me
And their both my biggest fears
You're love is like a machete
Years of chopping my veins open
They bleed love and then they closing
And I'm supposed to be coping
Excuse me sir, will you give me back my mind
Once upon a time it had been mine
Once long ago my heart was poisened by lies
Once long ago I had been my own prince
And now I'm stuck in this shit
Oh sweet prince not so charming
Get the fuck out my apartment

Yesterday Stonybrook broke my heart

I cried my eyes out for Stonybrook. I knew once I had seen the skimpy letter, I was rejected, but it hurt so much more reading the actual words. My heart shattered in a thousand pieces because I felt like that's the only school I really wanted to get into besides Old Westbury. I had applied to Old Westbury but had recieved a email saying my application was incomplete and when I called numerous times, no answer. So my chest ached and I lost myself for a moment, but then Nati, Eustace, and Mya made me feel a lot better. Then today, I was at work and I received a phone call from my father saying I recieved a big envelope from Old Westbury, and then he read to me the most beautiful words... "Dear Ashley, Congratulations on your acceptance to the State University of New York College at Old Westbury..."

My heart is now whole again and my smile is now re-instated.

Pure bliss I tell you.

<3

My mother's son

The feeling was startling, the way tear drops felt cold against burning hot skin. These were the tears of what felt like an unworthy son who hathed sin. These were the tears in which he sought refuge, the only relief he could hold onto even for a minute
a second
a moment
Where the feeling of something, of anything, could bring more shock than that of a mother's parted lips leaking lucid disaster. These tears more trustworthy than real thoughts becoming a lying voice bringing a disapointed face landing disagreeably into a plain of guilt he knows as his eyes. The pain of his mother's cries in the form of punishment, inside a part of her dies. A part called trust. And a serial killer he was, killing his mother's dreams for him, with a knife made of lies. Little did he know something that seemed so simple would end trust's life. End his mother's sweet lullaby, the only slumber she had gotten since he last strangled trust. Oh how trust cried, screaming loud enough to hear, but not loud enough for him to open up his eyes. He wouldn't try, he wouldn't budge, he couldn't feel his mother's love. He couldn't feel his mother's pain until she screamed until her lungs gave out again and again and again.

Couldn't hold his mother's trust so he choked it
He rolled up his mother's feelings
Licked the blunt and smoked it
Wasn't nothin to him since she claimed he was full of it
Once he got a feel for it
Wasn't nothing real but it
And it was the only thing he could feel and shit
So he figured since he ill and shit
Might as well be a tangible and legitimate
Reason to stop feeling
Still numb every change of season
Couldn't give a fuck who he pleasing
Since a blunt is the only thing in life that wouldn't tease him
The easiest thing he could cop
Since he couldn't cop a diploma
And when her heart stopped
It was the only other thing he was holding

So proud of myself ^_^

I think I've gotten out of my writer's block coma. I've been writing lately and I love it. So I'm using all sorts of emotions to bring out my creativity since it's been lacking. Thank god for my over active imagination and my love of movies because they have great moments to branch off of and write about. Ahh, I'm really content right now. All I need is to be accepted and life would seriously be great.

Give me something with more meaning

I want to feel butterflies and electric chills
Everytime we touch
Hold the lust, give me more
Give me something I can trust, say you will,
Say it's real, because sore and beaten,
My heart is holding up agaisnt the pain,
Say it to me again, hold me one more time
Your arms wrapped around mine is heaven
Your lips touching mine is honey
Make all the money in the world
Be insufficient to the feeling you pour into my heart,
Let parting be a far try
Never let me cry, Never let water have
Relations to my eyes

On any given night be my moon
For when suns set and my eyes close
Although all is dark and we are far apart
I know soon that your light will still shine on
My face and replace missing you with sweet memory filled dreams
This is all that I want you to mean
This is all that you'd become in my life
No matter if it's right or wrong
When there is no melody to cheer me up
The thought of you would be my never ending love song

The ex factor

On your free time, she's on your mind
On your free time, she's on your mind

I'm still bothered by the fact that she's still relevant
Because relevance means way more than presence
And she's got both.
I'm still jumping over moons to understand you
And what it will take to show my presence is worth more
My heart is clear, no presence here
Open for you to take hold
But you're stuck on the past
And I can't compete
Which is why my heart normally stays closed
So when you're thinking of her
I hope it reminds you of me
And how I feel
Because atleast I'll know I was in your thoughts too
In underlying thoughts concealed.

Great, great video.

Someone showed me this video a long time ago, and I recently stumbled upon it again. I loved it since the first day I saw it and still love it. What I love about this video is everything. The acting, the song, the plot, the animations, it's all executed beautifully. The situation is relatable and portrayal is completely relevant.